Adam and Julia

Help!!! My twins refuse to sleep at night!

2012-02-09T07:33:00.000-08:00

These two are the culprits. Ya, they look all cute in their jammies...but you should see them at 1,2:30, 3:45, 4:15, 5:30 in the morning. You get the idea...... help! And, no they are not it a cage. More like a baby jail...I mean playpen. Hey. It works for us!!

Where did my great sleepers go????????

For the past couple of weeks, sleep in out house has gotten progressively worse. I attributed it at first to teething, and then colds, and then those damn helmets. Now, I don't know what to blame it on. Do my children secretly hate me?????

When they were 4 months, my kids miraculously started sleeping through the night. Like 8-12 hour stretches. They cried at first when put down, but after about three days, they were champs and went right to bed, slept all night and would wake up at 7-8.

Now that they are 8 1/2 months old....almost 9....wow.....they are waking up at least 2 times a night each. C wakes up 6-8 times, stands up in her crib and creams at the top of her lungs until I come in. AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!! A usually sleeps through it, but sometimes wakes cause sister is so darn loud.

I have started going to get her, trying to comfort her, leaving the room, by the time the door is shut he is screaming again, going back in, repeat, and then giving up. I take her in the guest room to lie down with her for a second and inevitably fall asleep until the other baby wakes up crying. This has gone on for a week now. Mommy is spent. I realized last night at 3:45 that I was in the guest room with two babies in bed with me, two empty cribs, and my spot in bed all cold because I wasn't there. I finally put them back in their cribs only to be woken up by sister screaming at 5:30. WTF!!!

I need help!!! What do I do???? Will she be 16 and still want to snuggle with me? I appreciate the fact that I am so snuggly...must be this damn baby weight, but mommy needs her bed back, and babies need their beds too.

So moms....what did you do? Should I separate them? Should I turn of the monitor...eek. Should I take ambien and just forget about it....lol..jk...promise...don't call CPS. Did your littles do the same thing? Am I just weak and crave sleep? ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

And in the meantime....please vote for my kiddos. They are cute most of the time, promise. We are now in 10th place!!!!

Come vote for my child in this week's Parents Photo Faves contest!

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/1194418

Thanks!!!!!

Julia

xoxoxoxo

Mommy needs wine!!!

Vote for AJ and Caroline

2012-02-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

Blogging friends........

I need your help!!!!!

Twins are expensive, and this contest will help us keep our little ones in diapers and not trash bags and paper towels. Please, please, please vote for Caroline and AJ. Vote every day!!!! We have until the 12th and there are 29 other cuties in front of them. (So, naturally, we are in 30th place right now.)

Please, bitte, por favor!!!! (ok. I only know please in three languages....sorry)

I will split the winnings with ya ;)

On another note...the score is tied. AJ and Caroline both have two teeth now, but C one-uped her brother by pooping in the tub the other night....lol.

Sleep is horrible right now with teething, growth spurts, crawling, trying to walk...help!!

Did I mention that I would love for you to vote????? :)

Hope you all have a great day!!

xoxoxoxo

Julia

Come vote for my child in this week's Parents Photo Faves contest!

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/1194418

what we r up to today...

2012-02-04T10:41:00.001-08:00

Making baby food right now. Have some apples, strawberries and blueberries in the fridge. I am going to lightly steam them and leave a bit chunky and mix it all together with a dash of cinnamon. Sounds yummy to me. Hopefully the kiddos will like it. They are not to fond of strawberries. ?????????

I really need to clean my house and do laundry. Does anyone know of the free fairy who does this for you??? If not, this may take all weekend..lol.

The babies LOVE pineapple juice. Well....like 15% pineapple juice and the rest water...but they love it!!!

I need suggestions for good lunchtime, veggie stuff. I know you mom's have some good stuff out there. Share away!!

And now, a few pics for you in no particular order!

cheers!

julia

Yep! The helmets are back. They are having a harder time with the 2nd ones. Perhaps it is teething and colds mixed with hard plastic and foam on their heads. Needles to say. Sleep SUCKS right now!

Miss C loved her first pancakes!

We tried roast. They really like to play in it. A little went down, but they loved the flavors/

Mr. A loved his first pancakes too!!!

Not so fond of the roast, but loved the carrots!!

Little Miss Attitude striking a pose on the car at the head Dr. God help me when she is 16!

Mommy, I wanna go fast!!!!!

Ride 'em cowgirl!

Giddy up!!!

Naked babies after bath playing in the floor in their room. I tried to pick one without their "parts" all exposed and stuff.

Their favorite thing to do after bath is to stand and watch the water go down while banging on the side. Love their little legs and butts!!

TVT....Life has been CRAZY!!

2012-02-02T07:40:00.000-08:00

What a better way to update you all on all out happenings around here than with a good old TVT! So, here goes.....

My babies are 37 weeks 1 day old today. I carried them for exactly 37 weeks 1 day. They have officially lived in the real world longer than they lived in me. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. My little itty bitty babies are now big old movers and shakers. What happened?!?!?!
My surgery went ok. I had some complications and lots of bleeding. It was pretty uncomfortable and painful for about a week. Just finally stopped spotting after very large doses of progesterone. It is not something I want to go through again.
I had to help out a loved one over the past week. They were addicted to opiate pain medication and had to go into detox. They are doing great, but it is a long road ahead of them. Prayers needed. I can't help but think that Rob is helping guide them.
I had sex!!!
I also took a bath for the first time in 14 days. I LOVE baths and they are MY time. It was awesome, with lots of bubbles!.....ok. I took two. There, I confessed.
Both kiddos are back in their helmets. They are adjusting great to the second one. I got so used to their little heads, and I am starting to miss them again. But, it is for the best.
Tooth count: AJ - 1 big one. Caroline - 2 little ones. She got her second one last night.
Caroline is crawling, standing, trying to walk, pulls up on everything. My active little girl. AJ is army crawling, rolling everywhere and starting to pull up. He is just a bit chunkier and doesn't care much for the whole moving everywhere thing.
I have lost 9 lbs since starting weight watchers. Woo Hoo!!! FINALLY back to pre-pregnancy weight. Now to get this infertility weight off.
So many people have gotten preggo since I have been on here. Yeah!!!!!! God is good and working in all our lives.
I wrote my brother's best friend in Africa yesterday to tell him about Rob's death. It was only a few weeks ago that I finally found his email address among his things. Rob was fortunate enough to travel to Africa to do mission work a couple years ago when he was sober, and he made great friends. Still, it was so sad to have to tell Isa about Rob. Brought back every emotion I have tried to cover up. Missing him still.

Have a great day!!!

Julia

D & C question

2012-01-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

I need advice.

I had my D & C and Hysteroscopy on Thursday. Since then, I have been in pretty bad pain and have been bleeding a lot. My Dr. told my husband that the cramping should be minimal and that I wouldn't bleed much, but that is not the case. It feels like a really bad period and I am bleeding bright red. It isn't gushing, but it is definitely more than I expected.

Those of you who have had this procedure, did you experience the same thing? I am just wondering if I should call the Dr. or wait it out for my body to heal.

ouch!

julia

The results are in....surgery it is!!

2012-01-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

Yep. You read that right. Another surgery.

I went in today for the results from my biopsy last week. I had to cancel the pap portion of the appointment because I am STILL bleeding. 22 days now. WTF?!?!?!

No, I do NOT have Cancer. Woo Hoo!!!!!

Apparently, I have Disordered Proliferative Endometrium. Pretty much, that means that I have really fucked up periods. My body is all out of whack from two years of fertility treatments and a twin pregnancy. I am also very estrogen sensitive, I can grow a polyp like nobody's business. So, having a daughter didn't help my lady parts.

Basically, my body is having multiple periods. It is like if you mow a lawn three different lengths. When one is ready, you only mow(shed) that section. When the next section is ready, it is mowed (sheds) and so on. This creates one loooooong, painful period.

My Dr asked me if I wanted more kids, and I immediately said yes. We talked about it, but it hasn't been a topic of discussion with the doc until today. I would love at least one more. We have 4 frosties. I wouldn't do a fresh cycle again, but I would give my littles a chance. One at a time...lol. He said we could try more bc pills and hope they work, but they haven't so far. And. I am taking two a day. And, I am sooooo sick of hormones in my body. The second option is to do a D and C and "restart" my cycle. This way, everything will be on the same timing. He said it should work. If not, we will see from there. He did say that the sooner we try for number 3, the better. He said a year is good, but 3 may be too long. He also said that I will probably have to have hysteroscopies every time I try to get preggo, D and C's every time my cycle goes out of whack, and who knows what else. He recommended that, when I am done having children, I have a hysterectomy. This isn't going to go away. Just become more inconvenient. Awesome!!!

So. I am having a D and C next week on Thursday, the 19th. I elected to go ahead with it and forego the bc pills route. Granted, I am still on them to hopefully clear things up. But, like I said before.....I am SO TIRED of hormones!!!! Plus, it is not like I can get knocked up anyway!

I have never had a D and C before. What are they like? What is the recovery like? Will my children survive my mother and Adam taking care of them for two days? Will I??????

I go back in a month to address the whole cyst/fibroid issue.

On a fun note. I made a lasagna for a friend of mine who had surgery. I have decided that I like making things for people. I feel like a little homemaker. And, she doesn't have food poisoning yet!

OMG!!!! A whole post without talking about A and C. They were angels at the Dr's office. They love to be loved on, and the nurses love to do that! Oh ya. C crawled out of her bath seat today while I was lotioning brother. If you have one, WATCH your kids. If I hadn't been there, who knows what would have happened.

Julia

300th Post

2012-01-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking long and hard about what my 300th post would be about, and I decided to do it based on what makes me happy. My blog has transitioned from a family blog to an infertility blog to a parenting with twins after infertility blog. Some of you have been here the whole way. Some of you are new. I am so thankful for each and every one of you and your support over the past 3 years. Without this community, I may not have gotten through that bitch IF! Tomorrow I find out the results of my uterine and endometrial biopsies and we decide what to do about this huge cyst. (21 days of period and still going strong. I now take 2 pills a day to boost progesterone and hopefully make it stop.) I don't know what the future holds, but I do know one thing. I was blessed with 2 miracles. 2 miracles that at some times in the past, I was not sure I would ever have. My miracles make me happy.

So, without further adieu, here is my happiness.

The Triplets, September 18th, 2010

I swear there is a line!! 8dp3dt

Getting darker....

Yep!!! We are definitely preggo!!

First Positive Beta!!!

5 Weeks. Only picture with all three sacs

7 Weeks

9 Weeks

12 Weeks

14 Weeks

Looking at each other 14 weeks

It's a girl!!!

It's a boy!!!

22 Weeks

24 Weeks

25 Weeks

30 Weeks

35 Weeks

35 Weeks....real belly

37 Weeks 1 Day

Just born!!!

5 Minutes

10 Minutes

3 Hours

3 Days

10 Days

3 Weeks

1 Month

2 Months

3 Months

4 Months

5 Months

6 Months

7 Months

See....I told ya. My happiness!!!

xoxo

julia

Yep. I am still infertile.

2012-01-05T18:35:00.000-08:00

Today I was reminded of just how infertile I still am. Before you read this, please be advised that it is pretty graphic.

Before I got pregnant, I was so regular that I could set my clock by my cycle. Every 28 days for 5-7 days. It had been that way since I was 13. Of course, when I did 6 IUI's and 2 rounds of IVF, my cycle got all kinds of messed up with the timed cycles and hormones. When I was pregnant, of course I didn't have a period and was fortunate enough to give birth at 37 weeks one day to a beautiful little girl and a handsome little man. They were born perfectly healthy and have never had more than a cold. That said, I would be more than grateful to God if they were all the children that we were ever able to have. But, the thought of having more is always something I have wanted. Not now, but one day.

Well, today I was kicked in the face with my infertility. I have had 4 periods since I gave birth 7 1/2 months ago. They started at 10 weeks after and have been pretty irregular since then. Once I went 2 months between, then 36 days, then 30, you get it. I had 7-10 days of spotting/bleeding, but I just thought it was me getting back to normal. I have heard it could take up to a year so I thought nothing of it. I started my last period on December 22nd. It was fairly normal and tapered off, but never really stopped. Just continued spotting. Well in the last couple days it has gone from brown to red again. Weird I thought. Well, today I was at the gym on the treadmill. I was almost done working out when I felt a gush. I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood everywhere. Sorry for the TMI. I then started cramping. It got worse on the drive home, and so I took a bubble bath. I soaked for 30 minutes, and when I got out to take a shower and wash my hair, the water was red and there were clots everywhere. My cramping was so bad I could hardly stand. I happened to be on the phone with Alexis and she convinced me to call the doctor. I did, and they said they could get me in on Monday. OK.

I went to pick up the kids from MDO and couldn't walk. I parked in the handicapped spot (granted there are 15) and got many looks from the other moms and the security guard. I didn't care. It freaking hurt. I made it in and got the kids, but unloading them, I had to hold onto the car. On the way home, I stopped and got a pain pill from Adam at work. He has a bad back. When we got home, I fed them and put them in their play yard. Then I got on the heating pad. I was soaking a tampon an hour at this point, so I thought it had passed. But the pain kept getting worse. I felt like I was in labor and that my uterus and rectum were going to fall out. I was contemplating going to the emergency room if it kept up. The pain meds didn't touch it. So, I called the doctor again and begged to get in today. They said if I could be there by 4, they could get me in. Thank goodness I only live 5 minutes away. I packed up my sleepy kids and went to the doctor.

When I got there, the nurses took the babies and played with them while I went in and had a vaginal ultrasound, an abdominal ultrasound, an endometrial biopsy and a sonohysteroscopy. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Adam got off early from work and came and picked them up for me.

Guess what. I have a very large cyst on my right ovary and fibroids all over my uterus. Again. Fuck!

My doctor put me immediately on birth control to hopefully shrink the cyst and stop the bleeding. He said he was concerned about the amount of blood I had lost. I have to take vitamins and iron and drink tons of water. He gave me a prescription to vicodin and told me to take it easy. Ya right! I have two babies at home!!

I go back next week for a pap and to get the results of the biopsy. I go back in a month to see if the cyst has shrunk. If it hasn't, I have to have another surgery. If the fibroids continue to make me have such bad periods and pain, I have to have surgery. If I ever want a chance in hell to have another baby, I have to have surgery. Thank God I have my 4 frost babies. So, I guess it is not a question of if but when I will have surgery.

No matter what I do, I will always be infertile. Infertility in a motherfucker!

I am blessed to have my 2 miracles. For them, I am eternally grateful!

Julia

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

Miss C

Mr. A

love them!!!!

diaper question

2012-01-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

I woke up to a beautiful sight. Both my kids were playing happily in their cribs and let mommy sleep until 7:45!!!!

I walked in and Caroline was standing in her crib, happy as can be. Good thing we lowered the cribs last night!!!

I have a question for you. I need help with keeping my babies dry overnight. They get fresh, overnight diapers before bed, but 9 times out of 10, AJ is always wet in the morning and sometimes C is too. What should I do? Double up on the diapers? Buy bigger ones? They get a big bottle before bed, and I am sure this has a lot to do with it. Should I stagger it out into two? If so, will they still sleep through the night?

Hope you are all having a great day so far. I am so excited to see what my little ones will discover today!

Julia

I blinked

2012-01-02T21:35:00.000-08:00

I just finished taking down all the Christmas decorations. The tree, the ornaments, the garlands, the lights, the nutcrackers, the bows, the nativity scene, the wreath. It is all packed away nicely under my stairs waiting for next year's festivities. What a magical Christmas next year will be.

I had to take the tree and such down after the twins went down. They were in bed by 7:30, so I started immediately. It took four hours to come down and get packed away. Three days to put up, one month to enjoy, 4 hours to clean up, a lifetime of memories already.

I blinked.

It seems like only yesterday I was pregnant, and a couple hours ago that A and C were born. Just minutes ago I was not sleeping and attached to a pump or a baby. Seconds ago they were 1 month, then 2 months, then 3, 4, 5, 6, and now already 7 1/2 months old. I blinked and my babies started to grow. I mean really grow. Into little people with very different, wonderful personalities. A is the lover. C is so independent. A is very content and observant. C is strong willed and fearless. They can both throw a good tantrum when they want to. They are both saying "dada" and C is crawling. They want to feed themselves and grow.

I don't want to blink anymore. I want to soak it all in. This is by far the most fun age so far. They are learning and discovering everyday. I am afraid if I blink, I will miss it.

So as I embark on this new year, I will try to blink less and live in every moment. I will cherish every second with A and C. They truly are the secret to life.

julia

Picture Vomit

2011-12-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

Here is what we have been up to the past couple weeks.

It was an awesome first Christmas with the twins. It was the best Christmas I have had in years. We all just laughed and had a great time. NO DRAMA!!!!! Here is a little peek into us. Enjoy!

Julia

Nap time after playing with toys and all the Christmas stuff

Twas the night before Christmas......

My dad and Grandmom with AJ

Caroline playing at Grandmom's house

Christmas morning. Santa was good!!!

My first Christmas table.

Santa!!!

Playing while opening gifts

Caroline is a pro

AJ gave up and took a nap

Really mom.....a bow???

Beautiful little girl

AJ and his Nana...Adam's mom

My mom and Adam as he put the turkey in.....lol.

The spread...yummy!

The family

The twin's Nana (godmother) Alexis and A and C

Alexis' mom, Stella and Alexis. They were up from Houston and in from LA. Christmas night

Yaya and AJ. Yaya is Lexi's grandmother.

Day after Christmas. Grandad Jim and Gigi. More bows!!

Trying to take 7 month pictures a week late...oops

This will work

Posing sister

Crawling Caroline!!!!

AJ is working on it

My sweet boy

Love his smile

She is determined!!!!

My princess

So that is what we have been up to. I VOW to be a better blogger in the New Year!!!

ps. I turn 32 tomorrow. SCARY!!!!!!!!

Firsts

2011-12-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

I am full of mixed emotions right now. I just got back from Waco where I was celebrating Christmas in new ways and seeing old friends. This year there are many firsts that will occur, some happy and some sad.

This is AJ and Caroline's first Christmas!!!!!!!
This is the first year I am hosting and cooking Christmas lunch for my family.
This is the first Christmas without both parents together.
This is the first Christmas without my brother.

It is very odd to go see your dad and grandmother without the rest of your family. It is great to see your best friends who travel so far to come home. It is hard to realize that my home is where I live and not where I was born. Soon, I won't go home for the holidays. People will come to us. It is very hard to celebrate Christmas with your brother in heaven at a cemetery. The only gift I could bring him was a Christmas card and a poinsettia. He will celebrate Christmas with Jesus on His birthday in heaven. I bet there will be a huge feast and celebration. Rob loved a good party. My grandmothers will not be with me on Christmas day, but AJ and Caroline's will be. Mine are too old to travel now. Their uncles will be there with them, all except for one. I am so sad he can't be here. So sad he won't ever get to play with them in all the wrapping paper and noisy toys.

Life is strange. I can't wait to go to church on Christmas Eve. I need to be filled with the Christmas spirit and reassured that this new normal will be easier one day.

julia

Best Christmas Gift EVER!!!!

2011-12-17T21:23:00.000-08:00

My son just gave me the BEST Christmas gift EVER!!!! He said MAMA!!!!!!!! I got so excited when he said it that I think I scared him a bit..lol. He has said it a couple more times since then. It is the most awesome thing I have ever heard, second only to their first cries of life.

The babies ornaments they made at school. My most precious memory thus far.

The children made us Christmas presents too! Onesies with footprint Christmas trees.

Our tree with presents. What a blessing. These kids are going to have a great first Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!

Julia

TVT

2011-12-15T20:07:00.001-08:00

TVT...I still have 2 hours left!!

I have not really blogged in almost a month. Shame on me. I am a bad blogger friend, and I am sorry. Please accept my apologies.
Both my babies are sitting up. Next they will be driving.
Caroline is sooooo close to crawling. She gets up on all fours and rocks back and fourth. Where have my babies gone???
Today is the 5 month anniversary of my brother's death. It is funny how so may people are there for you when it happens, but slowly fade away as the days go by. I guess that is life. Miss you bubba.
I am hosting Christmas dinner for the first time this year at my house. Adam is frying a turkey, and I am cooking. It will either be awesome or very scary!
I love Teen Mom 2. There, I said it.
I had to let my housekeeper go the other day because we really can't afford her. My house is now a wreck. Help!
The babies have been sick with a killer cold for the past week. Adam has been sleeping in the guest room and I have had at least one baby in bed with me every night. The poor little things are so snotty. I feel so sorry for them. Thank God for the Nose Frida. If you don't have it, go get it....NOW!! It kicks the bulbs ass!
Oh ya...those snotty babies in my bed got me sick as well. 2 sick babies plus 1 sick wife equals one stressed out daddy.
The kiddos started Mother's Day Out two days a week from 9-2 and I started working out again. It feels great. Wish I could do it every day, but 2 days a week is a good start.
My first Christmas cards EVER are going out this week. I am so excited but pissed at Snapfish at the same time. They came out very dark, and I am kind of disappointed, but at least I have them.
Christmas this year will be very different. My parents are getting divorced, so they can't be together. My brother is gone. We will be in Dallas, so I am not going "home" for Christmas for the first time in my life. I have decided to start a new tradition with My family. I can't wait to see the babies play with wrapping paper and not give a shit about their presents which I probably spent too much on.
My babies sleep through the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a little happy about that one!
I love watching the weather radar. I don't know why, but when a storm is coming, I am glued to the tv or the internet. I also really LOVE tornadoes and thunderstorms. The stronger the better.
This time last year I found out I was having a son and a daughter. What a difference a year makes. I am so in love with my children. Thank you God!
I turn 32 in 14 days. Where did the time go? I swear I am still 25.
I miss all my blogging friends. I am back. Promise!!

Julia

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

A few pics of the kids. I promise a good TVT tomorrow!!!

Julia

I prmoise

2011-12-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

Post coming soon. I PROMISE!!!! I have been very, very busy....but that is no excuse. Miss you girls.

So, for now.....a picture.

Love ya!!

Julia

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

Feeding themselves

First bath together

Asleep watching the Baylor parade

Julia

I hate facebook!!!

2011-11-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

I hate facebook today!!!

Yesterday was the 4 month anniversary of my brother's death, and facebook decided to mark the occasion by deactivating his account. There was no notice. Just gone at 7 pm (5pm in California).

We have been trying and trying to get it back up. Apparently if someone passes away, facebook will turn their page into a memorial when contacted by the family. (They decided this in October but did not make this information public) Otherwise, if you don't use your account in 4 months, you are gone. Every comment, every email, every picture, every tag, everything. It is as if you never existed.

My brother was wiped clean yesterday. I know he is gone, but it was nice to be able to go and see his pictures and words from those who loved him every once in a while. Just one more thing to die.

Please keep your fingers crossed for us that we can get it back up. I have done everything I can to make it happen, short of contacting Jessie Eisenburg myself. I may not get his messages back from the months before he died, but at least I will be able to see him again.....hopefully.

Julia

TVT

2011-11-10T10:03:00.000-08:00

Well...it is Thursday, so here are my thoughts....vomit style.

We went out of town this weekend, ans I am still recovering from all of the travel/homecoming festivities. Sorry for the lack of blogs this week.
I just experienced double blowout!!!!! Gross!!!!!
I am officially 21 days late. Yes, I have taken a pregnancy test...even though I haven't had sex...and it was of course negative. Where in the heck is my period???? I had two normal cycles since the twins were born, and now nothing. I am a bloated, bitchy, pimply mess.
I am broke!!!!! We are trying to pinch pennies any way we can right now. Life, babies, mortgage, bills. It is all expensive!! I am clipping coupons right now and trying to plan out meals for the next week. No more going out...ever! But, can I please still have my wine?!?!?!
Speaking of money, I have no idea how I am going to get Christmas presents for the kiddos. And, what do you buy 7 month olds for their first Christmas anyway??? Ideas?
My parents divorce is cramping my style....lol. My dad is so touchy at the moment that I can't do anything right with him. For instance, I went to visit my brother's grave while in town. The Monster and Mountain Dew that were on his grave were gone. I simply asked my dad if he removed them or if the grave tenders did it. He freaked the f#@% out!! He started yelling at me and saying that I asked him negative questions and that I was always negative. He said I was asking for my mom and that he can never talk to me because I tell my mom everything. Seriously?!?!?! I just wanted to know a simple little thing. He then told me that his pain was greater than my pain over the loss of my brother. WTF!! It has been 9 months since mom moved out. Time to start moving on and stop being so bitter. He is losing his daughter and doesn't know his grandchildren because of all his hatred. This sucks!!!
I LOVE Cloud B animals/noise machines. When all else fails, they put my kids right to sleep!!!
The helmets are starting to work!! Yeah!! But, I miss my babies sweet little heads.
They took their first bath together on Tuesday. Pics to come.

And they are up. Happy Thursday everyone!

julia

Making Baby Food.....just call me SuperMom!!!

2011-11-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

How do you do laundry and carry your twins upstairs???

Ok...maybe I am not Supermom, but I am making all the babies food. The only things I don't make from scratch for them are carrots (too many nitrates...store bought takes them out) and prunes. (just not sure how to make them) It really is pretty easy, but a bit time consuming. They love most everything I give them. Bananas are a real hit at our house!!! Breakfast is rice cereal or oatmeal with bananas most days. Lunch is a veggie and dinner is a veggie and a fruit. Starting to incorporate more soon.

Start with fresh veggies. Avocado, apples, peaches, nectarines, squash, bananas, green beans, peas, pears and sweet potatoes.

Peel the veggies

Cut them up in tiny pieces

Steam the veggies until "mashy" and add formula or breast milk. Blend until smooth.

Place in ice cube trays in freezer for 18-24 hours. Cover with foil or cling wrap.

Place in Ziploc bags.

Label each fruit or veggie with dates. Good for 3 months in the freezer.

Thaw in the Gerber cups in fridge for 24 hours before use. Note: Avocado is better fresh. I do not suggest using it. Didn't survive the thaw and just got gross. Trial by error.

This is what I have been ding for the past month. The kids love it, and I feel good giving them organic, fresh food. Next up: 6 month food blends!!!!

Julia

Happy Halloween!!

2011-10-31T10:12:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!

TVT

2011-10-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

Ok...it is Thursday again. Woo Hoo!!! Please excuse my while my mind throws up.

My son is FINALLY rolling over..but only when he wants to. He has to be good and pissed before he will actually roll himself. He is content just chillin. Love that little bear. my daughter is all over the freaking place. Funny how different they can be.
I HATE cranial bands. My poor babies hate them too! They are uncomfortable and hurt them. My excellent, through-the-night sleepers have become my grumpy wake up at one, three, five and seven sleepers. The band is giving them heat rashes on their heads. I hope they adjust soon. Damn you cranial bands!!
I am 7 days late. Ordinarily, I would be ecstatic and peeing on sticks, but one would have to have sex in order for there to be a reason to POS. Apparently, all the stress of my life has caught up with me and is making me all weird. I am a bloated, pimply mess. I am hoping that as soon as I write this AF will show. Isn't that usually the case??
Speaking of stress. On Monday, we finally found out how my brother died. Because people read this in real life, I am going to choose to spare you the details. Let's just say, it was not how I had wished it would have been. It was sad, depressing and lonely. Yes, he drowned in a hotel bathtub, but the circumstances that led up to that make my heart ache. Ripped open those wounds I had been trying to heal. No it wasn't suicide. It was his damn disease. Fuck you drugs!! You should have called me, brother.
When my kids have their bibs turned around with their helmets on, they look like little super heroes!!
Day 6 of the laundry war. Still not giving in!!!
It is my Daddy's birthday today! I wish it could be happier for him.
I need a way to make money and still be able to stay at home with my kids. Does anyone have any money making tips or bright ideas? I am open to all suggestions...short of hooking. Don't think anyone would pay for my lovely twin body anyway.
I LOVE Modern Family and it was not on last night. boo :(
Go Rangers!!!! Hopefully tonight we will clench the World Series!
Ok. So I watched Once Upon a Time the other day. It was a quirky storyline. Not sure if it will make it. I kind of liked trying to figure out who was who in real life vs. the story land. Thoughts?
I just realized that the last 3 bullets are about tv. I need a life.
I was supposed to speak to a group of high school students about the dangers of drugs and alcohol tomorrow at my old school. I got cancelled on and asked to come at 7:30 am instead. I had to decline. There is no way in hell I could get my twins up, fed, ready and out of the house by 6:30 to get downtown in time. How am I ever going to go back to work? On a side note...I don't know if I am truly ready to tell people the truth about Rob, so it is kind of bittersweet that it got mixed up.
I want to move. We have a 2 story, 3 bedroom house. I need a one story house with 4 bedrooms. Hauling almost 40 lbs of baby up and down the stairs is a bitch. Plus, I want at least one more kiddo someday if possible. I am going to start looking, but know it may not come true for a couple years. Who knows??
I want JR to win Dancing with the Stars. FYI
Have I told you that I am making all the kids baby food from scratch? I feel like Martha Stewart..lol. A post on that to come. It is kind of fun. Now, if I could just figure out how to cook my husband dinner...?????
Speaking of dinner. Last night, we had pancakes and bacon for dinner. I love to do breakfast for dinner every once in a while. So much fun!
I think I need a new blog name. Any ideas????

OK. That is all I got for now. Babies are crying. Have a great day everyone!

Julia

Night 4 of the war

2011-10-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

I WILL NOT GIVE IN!!!!!!!

The pile is growing. He is starting to dress from the clean, unfolded piles. but I refuse to give in.

I have now thrown in not even washing his clothes for him if he doesn't let up. So, until I win...he will have no more clean clothes unless he does them himself.

He said he has clothes for weeks. We will see!!

Today I needed his laundry basket, so I just threw more of his clean clothes on the pile.

This is my battle. What was I thinking when I chose it...lol?!?!?!?!?!

Julia

My husband vs. Me

2011-10-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

The Pile...clean mind you...that he refuses to fold. Yes, he is now using our cradle as a closet too. aaahhhhhhh men!!

I am in a war right now. My husband vs. me. We had a discussion about last weeks blog on his cleaning abilities....or lack thereof. He SWEARS he does SOOOOOOOO much more than I give him credit for. I laugh!! To prove my point, I asked him to simply fold his own laundry. No big deal, but it will help me out a little. Well, the weekend came and went. It was funny at first, but now I am proving a point. He refuses to fold it....so now I refuse to wash it!!! Let's see how far he gets on what he has left. I wash baby laundry, house laundry, my laundry and fold it all. He can at least fold his own damn stuff. We shall see how long this hoes on. I refuse to give in!!!!!

It is a matter of principle. ;)

Julia

And now some pics......

Successful nap time in helmets

Unsuccessful nap time without helmets

hell

2011-10-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am in cranial band hell right now. send help!

The twins vs. the bands

2011-10-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

Sister is not too sure about her helmet. She doesn't think it is very fashionable, and trust me...she bitches a LOT about it.

Brother looks like a storm trooper. He is more easy going. As long as he gets mom snuggles, he is ok. Gotta love boys!

Well.......................

It has been 24 hours, and we are still alive. The twins are "trying" to adjust to their new cranial bands. Yesterday was hard. Today has been ok. Their nap sucked today. It took them so long to figure out how to get comfortable in their bands. They kept looking at me like "WTF are you doing to us mom????" They are 3 hours on and one hour off today. Tomorrow we start on the 23 hours a day on, one off. Kind of like solitary confinement in prison....coincidence?!?!?!

I immediately went to Hobby Lobby for some decorating ideas. I have a feeling their bands will change all of the time. I can't decide on something permanent. So, for now, we have a Halloween theme rockin. If you have any ideas, please let me know. We are VERY open to suggestions.

Wish us luck tonight. Just think of it. When you are all cozy in your beds, I will be up with two screaming babies clawing at their heads to get their new best friends off. JOY!!! I can't wait. Bring on the wine.....wish it was tequila...lol....kind of.

Julia

Sister asleep....finally in her band. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! If you wake this baby, I will KILL you!!

Brother just being cute right before he fell asleep.

This was last night after we got them decorated. As you can see, brother is chill about it. Sister, however, just fell asleep thanks to the white noise machine.

Cranial Tip #2: You know all the bouncers, tacos, swings, wedges, swaddles.....all that stuff. Ya...that is apparently bad for the old head. Use at your own risk. As you can see by the above picture, we can NOT get rid of the tacos, but have said good bye to the other stuff. The floor is our play area...period. And the occasional time in the jumper too.

ps......I flipped my babies......sue me!!

TVT

2011-10-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

TVT again. Here goes.......

I am sad. Today I take my little ones to get their cranial bands. I have been kissing their heads for the past 3 days like there in no tomorrow. I am going to miss their heads so much when they are covered up by what feels like my mistake.
My stomach hurts. Has for 2 days. Hopefully my period is coming soon. I can't handle much more. TMI...sorry.
My parents are going through a divorce and is totally sucks. They are putting my brother and I in the middle and trying to make us choose sides. WTF?!?!?! I wish they would just leave us out on it.
I finally dreamed about my brother the other night. We were in a church at a wedding. I was walking to the back of the church and there he was. Sitting in a pew kicked back. I was so happy to see him. He looked great. Just like Rob. I went to talk to him, but woke up just before I could. I tried to go back to my dream but couldn't. Wouldn't it be great if we could dream what we wanted? I miss hims so much. It seems like it is only getting harder.
I am considering going to a psychic or sensitive to talk to my brother. Am I nuts??
How do you get your husband to help out more around the house? Mine acts like he can't do anything when he gets home from work. I understand that I get to stay at home with the kids, but that is a full time job too. Hello!!! There are two of them!!! If he makes dinner, I feel like he wants me to praise him. I asked him to just start folding his laundry, not even wash it. He was taken aback. WTF!!! I need help. Would it kill him to help out every now and then. I don't get to just turn off mom mode at 5:30 every night, kick my feet up, and sleep all night without any worry. Why does he get to? My job is NEVER done!!!! Sorry if I don't get paid for it, dammit!
new favorite tv show: the walking dead. check it out if you like zombies
I became a mom and my social life died. Did this happen to you? I need friends again. At least ones that can talk back.
I need to lose like 40 lbs. Anyone have an instant weight loss fairy??? If so, send her my way please.
I LOVE fall!!!! My favorite time of year is coming up. Yeah!!!!!

ok. that's it for now. got to get ready for the head shop...that's what we call the cranial doctor. Pics to come tomorrow, promise!!!!

julia

5 months old!!!

2011-10-20T08:38:00.001-07:00

We are 5 months old!!!!!!!!

Life has totally turned upside down in the last 5 months, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I am totally in love with my son and my daughter. I would do anything for them. I thank God daily that He allowed me to be their momma.

A few things about the twins:

AJ weighs around 19 lbs....big boy!!! 26 or so inches. Caroline weighs 16 1/2 lbs. 26 inches too. We don't know specifics because the only way to weigh them in on our scale.....which I hate....and it is not exact.

Nicknames:

AJ - bubba, Age, brother, brother bear, prince, handsome boy, big boy, little man, bubba roo, Chunky Monkey, Popeye

Caroline: Miss C, sister, sister bear, sister roo, princess, miss stinky, princess pea, monkey, monkey toes, drama queen

The twins are eating solids now....if you can call them that. I am making their food. Post on that later. We like rice cereal or oatmeal mixed with fruit in the morning. So far, we have tried bananas, prunes, apples, pears, peaches, avocados, sweet potatoes, squash, peas, green beans and carrots. Up next, nectarines!!!!

Both babies are great eaters and sitters. C is rolling from front to back and back to front. A rolls from tummy to back, sometimes when he feels like it. Just not that interested in it. C is all over the place. Such different personalities. A and C talk all the time! They love to talk to one another and poke at one another all day. Discovery!! They are becoming great friends. They love their jumpers and tummy time. They are sleeping now from about 8:30-8:30 each night. Waking sometimes for paci changes or comforting, but all in all sleeping well. We are in the process of CIO at night. 2 days in and AJ sleeps. C fights for about 15-20 but then sleeps. She is getting better.

Life is great with these two. I couldn't ask for better babies. Happy 5 month birthday my loves.

julia

Outtakes:

AJ smiling

Caroline smiling

I am done with this mom!!!

What are you doing????

cry it out method????

2011-10-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

I need help. My kids are running me. I am thinking about trying the cry it out method. They wake every hour or so at night for a paci replacement or to be comforted, and I am going nuts. I need advice from moms who have done it. Does this make me a bad mom? I am at my wits end. I have two crying babies and nothing is wrong with them. They just cry. Help!!!!!!

julia

$8,000....decorating advice wanted!!

2011-10-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

Well, in just a weeks time, my poor little babies' heads will be all covered up with $8,000 worth of cranial tech equipment. I am going to miss them so much. I keep kissing and loving on their little heads. I feel like I am a little in mourning because I will not see parts of them for quite a while. I know it sounds silly, but I miss their crooked heads already. :(

So, now I need advice. How do I decorate them? There is a company called www.wrapbuddies.com that does prosthetic wraps for free, but it is permanent. I could go to www.blingyourband.com and spend money on decals, or I could go to Michael's and get creative. Either way, I need help!!! I want my precious little ones to have the least traumatic experience as possible, and their momma too.

I will also be documenting their progress from beginning to end for you all. I know several people have lots of questions about cranial bands. I hope this will help others on their journeys.

Tip #1: Rotate your child in their crib every night. This will allow them a different point of view and cause them to move their heads and necks in different directions to prevent flattening. (that is IF you believe in the back is best campaign. I did and was a religious swaddler up until a week ago.)

Update: We are officially unswaddled!!! Sleep is sketchy right now. C is better than A, but we are getting better. C slept on her belly all night last night (she prefers her tummy) without waking up once. 8:30-8:00 this morning. I had to wake her. A did well from 8:30-12:30 and then was up every hour to hour and a half needing paci replacement. He was on his belly until 3 and then flipped. In bed with mom at 6. Criticize if you will....I secretly love it when they need me and sleep so well with me.

C woke up before A and rolled over to his head. She then proceeded to lick his head trying to wake him up. It didn't work..lol. You can see a bit of her coning in the pic. The red spots on A's head are from C licking and sucking his head. Twins can be gross sometimes!!!

Julia

Pumpkin Patch Pics

2011-10-10T12:21:00.001-07:00

I am soooo excited!!!! We took the twins to the pumpkin patch at the arboretum on Saturday. It was hot, but the babies did great. No crying!!!! I have always dreamed of having children and one day taking them to take pictures in the pumpkins. Check!!! I finally got to do that. Next dream...pics with Santa.

Julia

Sorry for the picture overload!!!!!

TVT

2011-10-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

This is my first time participating in Thought Vomit Thursday. I love the idea. I have just been too damn busy the past oh 4 months to take part. So, here goes.....

Because I am now fortunate enough to be a SAHM to my twins, I LOVE tv. I find a new show to watch all of the time. The problem is that my husband likes them too. I hate waiting on him to come home to watch what I want. the DVR is like 99.8% full, and I can't do a thing about it. Petty, I know, but I want to watch my shows, dammit.
My diaper champ STINKS!!!!!! I have tried everything I can think of to make that thing smell better. I wash it. I air it outside. I put air fresheners right next to it. When I change a diaper, I make sure to do the other baby at the same time. That way, I only have to open that thing once. The smell literally knocks you back. Babies are so cute, but what comes out of them is disgusting!!!!
I need a girls weekend. I need time to myself. The problem with this is that my daughter won't let anyone feed her but me. My husband gets frustrated, and I don't know if he could handle both babies by himself for more than 5-1o minutes. Love you honey, but you know it is true. I can't even go to dinner or a meeting without worrying if they are ok at home. When will I actually be able to have a life again??? This whole attachment thing has got to stop at some point. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but it would be nice to be able to escape for an hour or two every now and then.
I have a friend who is getting married in July. She has been one of my best friend's since childhood. She has asked me to be one of her maids of honor. I am honored to be a part of this special day. Here is the problem. She expects me to pay for everything for her. She has a small budget, so she has chosen to have a destination wedding. Fun, right?!?!? Well, I have to come up with about $3,000 just to get there and have a place to sleep. Then she wants me to throw her an engagement party, a bridal shower, her bachelorette party, dress, etc. She says she wants it to be like my wedding was. Newsflash....my parents paid for my wedding. I did not. If I was over 30 and getting married, I would be on my own and it would be a small intimate affair. I got married at 26, and it was more about my parents putting on a show than it was about me. I was fine with that. But, I can't afford to bankroll her wedding. I have 2 kids, just replaced 2 AC units, mounds of debt, a mortgage and one income, etc. I am not the same person I was at 26. How do I make her understand that I can't afford all of this. I tried once, and she told me to ask my parents. WTF?!?!?!?! Her parents are not well off by any means, so I feel like she is using me to support her in some weird, freaked up way. We hardly ever talk anymore. We live in different cities. The only reason she even met my children is because my brother died. I don't know what to do about this.
Tummy time blows!!! My kids hate it, and it is a battle everyday to get them to do it. My daughter just rolls over every time I put her on her tummy and my son refuses to roll over. I think it is because he is such a chunk. :) They bitch and whine. Help!!
What is sex? I don't remember. It has been so long now that I think my sex drive is completely gone. I am so damn tired at the end of each day, and my husband is working his ass off. I thought there was some sort of sexual peak I was supposed to experience in my 30's. If so, where is it? Sex is something people do on tv. Good thing I had fun in my 20's I guess.
Shaving. I don't like it and I don't have time for it. I am lucky to get a shower in every day, much less groom the necessary areas. Maybe I will bring back women's lib. Maybe I will bring back the caveman look. Maybe that is why I don't have sex.
I am going to miss my babies heads once they get their helmets. I hate that they have to have them, and I hate that I won't be able to kiss and cradle their perfect heads...well, perfect to me. I am in a bit of mourning for the kisses I won't be giving there because some damn helmet will be in the way. I hate that I was unable to keep their heads perfect. On that part of parenting, I failed.
I miss my brother.

Well, that is all I have time for today. I have to go force my kids to do some tummy time. JOY!!!

Have a great day!!!

Julia

The Flat Head Twins

2011-10-05T07:13:00.001-07:00

As you can tell from the title, my poor, precious little miracles have flat heads. I am beside myself with guilt, grief, maybe a little embarrassment?!?! But, I know one thing.....I refuse to have them referred to as the flat head twins when they get to high school. How terrible!!!!

I tried my hardest to not have flat headed babies. I held them, I did tummy time, I alternated wearing them, I positioned them on their sides when they slept, I tried it all. But, to my dismay, their poor little heads are flat.

I started to notice their heads really at birth. Caroline was born with all six of her cranial plates very defined. Her head was jammed into my cervix/bladder area for 8 months, and when she came out, her poor little head just looked a little funny. You could literally trace the different bones that make up the skull with your finger. The doctor said it would get better....it did...for a while. AJ, however, was born with a perfect little round head. He was breech and sitting on his sister for those 8 months.

At about a month to a month and a half, I started to notice Caroline's head flattening a bit. Her skull bones were moving and shifting, and I felt that they were shifting into a flatish state. AJ's head was fine, but he always liked to sleep with his head turned to one side. So, me being mom decided to do some research on the Internet. Dr. Google to the rescue!! Position your baby on their side at night. Rotate from side to side every other night. I can do that, and I did. Then I went for their 2 month appointment. I expressed my concerns to their pediatrician. She said "NO!!!" That was a SIDS risk and to stop immediately. I am terrified of SIDS, so I stopped. She said back is best and to keep them swaddled. Done.

Well....fast forward 2 months to their 4 month appointment. I am now very concerned about their heads because there is definite flattening on both of their heads. Her first comment. Stop swaddling them. WHAT?!?!?!?! How the hell will they sleep??? They HATE not being swaddled.....no more sleep for mom. I don't have the first clue as to how to stop the swaddle. I have tried one arm out....they cry. Sleep sack...they cry. Flip them....SIDS risk. AAAAGGGHHHH!!!! She also said that she prefers them on their back, activity time, sleeping, everything. The jumper should only be used 30 minutes a day to prevent arched backs. WTF??They LOVE the jumpers. The doctor isn't concerned, and she said that if they were her kids, she wouldn't worry about it. Good thing I am not her. She gave me a prescription to Cranial Tech here in Dallas, and I made the appointment to go.

We went on Monday, and here are the results....

Caroline

Their first mugshots......lol.....and hopefully their last!!!!!

Needless to say, we are going to have the cranial bands made for our children. There is a very limited window to correct their heads, and I don't want to kick myself later in life if I don;t do it. At $3,800 a pop, we prayed that insurance would cover it. Yesterday I got the call. The insurance company will cover them 100% because we have met our deductible...thank you twins being born, and we have awesome insurance...thank you Aetna and my husband's job.

I asked the doctor what I could do next time......if there is a next time....to prevent this from happening. Her response....Back is best, but tummy prevents flat heads. Bouncers, swings, my beloved tacos, all the baby stuff we spend billions on....ya they are bad. Apparently they cause the back skull plate to push up because of the incline. What if your baby has reflux like my son???? Rotate your crib toys and the positions you put them in. Hell...switch cribs every night if you can. Pretty much, change it up any time you can, all the time!! If you are a stay at home mom to more than one kid like I am, clone yourself so they never touch a flat surface.

Oh ya...forgot to tell you. Did you know that flat heads can lead to TMJ, over bites, under bites, uneven ears, neck problems, sleep apnea and a whole list of other things? I didn't, but do now.

We are waiting on the insurance to "accept" us, and then we go in for our imaging appointment. Then because they are under 5 months, the helmets will be rushed to us in a week. My babies will have their helmets just in time for Halloween. Needless to say, we are taking our pumpkin patch pictures this weekend before they have to wear the helmets 23 hours a day.

As for breaking the swaddle....I am going to do it when they get their helmets. They will be pissed anyway about the helmets they now have to wear all the time, so I may as well do it all at the same time. Just like ripping off a band aid.

If you have any questions about your precious little ones, please contact me. We talked about A LOT more, but all that info is boring to you guys with perfect little round-headed babies.

Just one more adventure on the twin roller coaster!!!

Much more to come.

See....I told you I would be blogging more. :)

Julia

Happy Birthday

2011-10-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday dear brother. You are never far from my heart. I love you so much. Enjoy your day floating among the clouds. We miss you so much.

Love you. AJ, Caroline and your sister.

Baptism

2011-10-02T15:24:00.001-07:00

We are 4 months old!!!! (a little late)

We had the twins baptized on September 25th. It was a beautiful day with lots of family and friends around. Here are some special pictures from that day.

Caroline getting baptized

AJ getting baptized

Our family

The whole family

Yummy!!!

The flowers on the main table

Caroline and AJ with their Nona (greek for godmother)

Caroline and AJ with their Mimi

The twins

My baby boy

My baby girl

Getting baptized takes a lot out of you!!

Well, that was our day. It was beautiful. Good parenting milestone number one....check! A special thanks to their godparents, Alexis, Heather and Todd, and Julie and Trey. We love you!!

julia

sic em

2011-10-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

Sic Em Bears!!!!!!

So much going on!!

2011-09-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

Go Cowboys!!!!!

Twins napping after falling asleep playing.

I am so sorry that I have been off and on this past 4 months. These babies keep me BUSY, and I rarely have time to blog myself. I do read all of you, but also rarely have time to comment. Just know that I am here cheering you all on.

So much has happened to us in the past 4 months. My kids are rolling over from belly to back. C is almost rolling from back to tummy. AJ is a chunk and it is harder for him...lol. At their 4 month appt, C weighed 15.2 and AJ weighed 17.11. Big babies!!!! They talk all the time and are in the midst of teething. Fevers, fussiness, SO much drool. This could go on for another 2-5 months. They change clothes 2-3 times a day....drool.

C is more mobile than AJ. They were on their tummy blanket taking a nap. I left the room for 5 minutes. When I came back, C had scooted all the way under the coffee table, across the room and ended up by her jumper. She is also able to wiggle out of her bouncer. Time to strap that baby down!!!

They are eating "trying" solid foods now. So far we have tried rice cereal (yuck!), bananas, sweet potatoes, prunes, green beans and are trying pears today. So far, so good!!!!

The babies are sleeping through the night for the most part. They get their last bottle around 8:30-9:00 and sleep until 7:00-7:30. I do have to get up a couple times to replace a pacifier or two, but that is it. Momma is much better when she has sleep!!!!!

We are trying to take them out more and more. They did NOT like the Rangers game. had to leave at the 3rd inning. They also did NOT like Blur Goose, so mommy did not get her margarita. The did like the grocery store and church. Go figure.

On a walk to the grocery store. It is finally cooling off in Texas, so we can actually get outside!

The babies were baptized on September 25th. It was awesome!!! I will post on that later. Both did great and loved being held up in the air for all of the church to see. AJ especially loved it. He was all smiles and laughing.

We have an appointment on Monday with the cranial specialists. The babies have flat spots on the backs of their heads. Damn back is best campaign!!!! Let's pray they don't have to get helmets, or if they do that they are covered by insurance.

In the process of weaning from the swaddle. HELP!!!!!! My kids HATE it and only sleep for 30 minutes or so before screaming. I inevitably give up and reswaddle. Any advice?????

We had to replace our ac unit yesterday. NO bueno! Good thing my kiddos don't need to go to college any time soon because that bad boy was expensive!!!!!

There is so much going on. I know this was sporadic, but it is just a tid bit.

Caroline in her jumperoo. She is the inquisitive one!

AJ in his jumperoo. Notice it is fuzzy because he is always in motion. He is my athletic one.

More to come...promise.

Julia

Prayers for Baby Austin

2011-09-22T11:11:00.001-07:00

Austin was shaken by his babysitter on September 20, 2011. He stopped breathing and had a seizure. He was flown to Cook Children's Hospital in Ft Worth. Austin has hemorrhaging on his brain with some damage to his brain tissue. His retina is also very severely damaged with blood clots that may leave scarring and loss of vision. The doctors also discoverd that Austin has a fractured arm. Thank you friends for all of your prayers. Keep them coming!!!
The babysitter who admitted to doing this is sitting in jail in Abilene, TX with first degree injury to a child charges!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Prayers-for-Austin-Westbrook

This little man was shaken by his babysitter and then thrown on the couch. She has been with the family for over two years. You never know who or what peple are capable of. Please go support this sweet little man. Donations to help support him and his family can be made to the Abilene, Texas Teacher's Credit Union. Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

Austin Jace (AJ) Westbrook

http://bigcountryhomepage.com/fulltext/?nxd_id=415397

julia

One year ago.....

2011-09-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

This is my post from one year ago..........

"This is going to be quick because this retrieval hurt much more than the last one. The surgery went well and I am really tired now.

We got 11 eggs!!!!!!

Now we are just praying that they all fertilize and make beautiful embryos.

Thanks for all of your support. It really does mean so much!

Now...off to sleep.

julia"

Little did I know that two of those eggs would become the beautiful children that I have today. I am a little nostalgic today. I can't believe it has been a year since I was on that table and Dr. R got 11 eggs. 10 of them went on to fertilize, 3 were transferred, 4 were frozen. In 11 short days, I would find out I was pregnant. My life changed forever one year ago today.

I thank God every day for all of the blessings He has bestowed on me. He trusted me enough to give me two perfect, precious children to raise and love. They amaze me every day, and I cannot imagine my life without them.

As I sit here, their spoons and bowls are washing in the dishwasher getting ready for our next milestone on Sunday.......rice cereal. My babies are going to start eating. They are finally sleeping through the night, we take them places...in fact, they are going to their first Rangers night tonight, they only take 5-6 bottles a day now instead of the 8-9 at birth. They are growing up so fast.

I barely recognize the person I was one year ago. I no longer work. I am a full-time stay at home mommy, and I love it. My days are filled with spit up, poop, pee, tears, laughs, babbles, jumpers, excersaucers, onesies, baby smells, huge gummy smiles, and all things baby. My house is not the same. I am changed.

One year ago, God took a chance on me. Thank you Lord.

julia

Answers to your questions!!!

2011-09-10T11:21:00.000-07:00

I so loved getting all of the questions from you guys. I am by no means an expert, but I have figured out what works for us. So, without further adieu......here are your answers. If you have more. please do not hesitate to ask.

Q: If there was one piece of advice you could offer someone for their first week with a new baby what would it be?

A: Take as much time with just you, your husband and your baby(s) as you can. We were bombarded with family and friends in the room, and I really didn't get to hold them as much as I would have liked the first day. This is crucial to breastfeeding and bonding, especially that first day. Don't be afraid to kick them out, or have the nurses do it. It is their job. You can never get those first few hours and days back.

Q: What is the one must have item for you?

A: The Taco!!! I have posted on it before, but I will say it again. The sleep and play rocker is essential. It has saved out lives. When they don't want to nap in their cribs, they will here. We have given up on the pack and play and just use the taco now. (The taco is the fisher price rock and play sleeper) You can rock the baby with your foot and take care of the other at the same time. If you are having twins, get a bottle prop. They are key when you have to feed both babies at the same time.

Q: What is one thing (or more!) that you are doing that you thought you wouldn't do? OR, maybe it's something you aren't doing that you swore you would.

A: I always thought I would breastfeed the twins exclusively for the first year. I wanted to do this so bad. When they were born, they did not have the greatest sucking reflexes because their mouths were too small. We had to use formula from the first day. I pumped every day for the first 2 months sometimes 10-12 times a day. I would still breast feed them too, but they never took to it like the bottle. I visited the lactation consultant numerous times, but in the end, I never made enough to supply both kiddos. I tried Reglan to produce more milk, but that mad me feel very weird and indifferent towards the babies. I stopped that after a week. When my brother died, my milk stopped. It was the hardest thing to stop breast feeding. I felt like a failure. It took a while for me to realize that what was best for the babies was most important. They are strictly on formula now and are thriving. I had to let go. They were fine.

Q: Can you explain what dream feed is?

A: A dream feed is done at 11:00 - 11:30 at night. You get the baby out of the crib still swaddled and asleep. I feed them in the rocker, never waking them up. I only change them during this feed if they are dirty. Pee diapers are ok. (I use a size up for nighttime so they don't spill over) They don't need to be burped because they don't take in much air when they are asleep. Then you just put the baby back down to sleep. This way, their bellies are full, so they don't wake up because they are hungry and it teaches them to sleep through the night. Since the dream feeds started, we have gone from waking at 3:00 to 3:30 to 4:00 to 4:30 to 5:00, and we are now waking between 6:15-6:45. One day, we will eliminate the dream feed all together and they will, hopefully, sleep all night without waking. Now I go to sleep at 11:45ish and don't wake up until they do. I feel like a new woman!!!!!

Q: How do you survive the last 5 weeks of bed rest?

A: I was very fortunate to have one of my best friends out on workers comp. She came over nearly every day to keep me company. I also started watching every stupid show on TV that you can think of. Teen Mom, The Real World, Jersey Shore, you name it...I watch it. I did lots of crafting projects for the babies rooms, read books, and shopped on the Internet. Amazon is awesome!!! Basically, bed rest is all about keeping yourself busy. After 34 weeks, I allowed myself to get out of the house some. Not much, but a trip to Buy Buy Baby or to lunch every three days or so. It helped. I carried them to 37 weeks 1 day, and that was because I had them taken out. I feel sure that they would have stayed in much longer.

Q: Is motherhood harder or easier than you thought?

A: Yes and No. It has come naturally to me, and I love every minute of it. I wouldn't trade it for the world, even if all I see most days are two little people. It is very difficult too. I am for the most part their sole caregiver. Hubby works and the babies really only like me feeding them, so I am solo. Because the weather in Texas has been so hot all summer, we haven't really gotten out much. So, I get quite lonely sometime. That is hard. I was a very social person before motherhood. and I worked 55 hours a week. Not having that communication with the outside world is very difficult for me. Hopefully, with the nicer weather, we will be able to get out more and see the world...and adults!

Q: What's your biggest surprise about motherhood so far?

A: Probably how rewarding it is. I never in my life thought I could love someone so much...twice. I would literally die for my children in a heartbeat. It is the greatest job I have ever done or will ever do. It is also not easy!! I am often surprised how crackheads do it and still have seemingly normal children.

Q: Is Adam the kind of dad you thought he'd be?

A: Honestly, yes and no. I thought he would be a much more hands on kind of dad. Once the novelty of the newborns wore off, things got tough. I guess some people are just not cut out for the newborn/infant stage. I wish he was, but he just isn't. He helps put when he can, but he has to work. He does change diapers and feed them when he can. He loves to talk and play with them. As they are getting older and doing more things, he is liking them more and more. I know he will be great once they are walking and talking. I wish he was confident enough to give me a day off once in a while. Hopefully that will come with time.

Q: Are you taking just this year off then going back to teaching in Sept 2012?

A: Yes, I will be returning to teaching next year. We can only afford one year. Plus, I need the interaction with others, and it will be good for the babies to be around others too.

Q: Do you want more babies?

A: YES!!!! We still have 4 frostbabies, and I can't imagine not giving them a shot at life too! However, we will be transferring only one at a time from now on out. If none of them take, we were only meant to have our little boy and little girl.

Q: Do you actually get to tummy time two times a day every day?

A: No. Ideally we would, but there are some days where they only get it once. Sometimes none. They are holding their heads up fine and lay on our stomachs. I just wish they were better at rolling over. Practice, practice, practice!!

Q: Are you more or less protective than you thought you would be?

A: Probably less. I let everyone hold them. I think it is good for them to be around other people. But when it comes to them, the babies always come first!!! No matter what!!!

Q: At what point did your routine "click"?

A: It really didn't click for us until daddy went back to work. I loved having him here, but it works much better when it is just me at home during the day. We have our groove.

Q: Are you child-led or routine/adult-led?

A: Probably a little of both. I make sure they get their ounces in each day and we follow the schedule pretty close, but if they aren't hungry, I wait. If they want to sleep more, they can. Bedtime floats anywhere from 7:45 - 9:00 each night. I stick to the dream feed for my sanity and their full bellies. We just go with what works. I guess that is the bonus of being able to stay home with them.

Well, there are your answers. I hope they were helpful and gave you a glimpse into our lives. Ask questions anytime you want. I am an open book. And, speaking of books. The babies are asleep, so it is time for mommy to read more of my current can't put down book, The Help. It is awesome!!!!!

AJ and Caroline at soccer practice yesterday. Daddy is helping coach a 12 year old girls team, and we went and watched. The weather is finally getting nicer, and it was their first time outside to play all summer!!

Woo Hoo!!!!! Questions Anyone???

2011-09-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

I am soooooo excited!! The twins slept until 6:30 this morning!!! I am the happiest Momma around. I think I have finally figured out how to get these little ones to sleep. The key is the dream feed.

In honor if my great news, I am going to do the whole question/answer thing. Please, ask me anything and everything. If it is baby related. Cool. Fertility related. great. Twins elated. Awesome. Grief related. sure thing.

I am your open book!!!!

Julia

ps...you know when they say that when it rains, it pours......well it is true. My grandmother had to have her leg amputated on Friday. WTF!!!

So far, 2011 is very up and down. The best thing to happen to me was the birth of my twins. Everything else sucks. My parents are getting divorced. My dog died. My brother died. My grandmother lost her leg. Thank God for the babies!!!!

twins instruction manual

2011-09-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

We are leaving for Tahoe tomorrow. My father-in-law is getting married. I am leaving the twins for the first time. I am terrified. This is what I left for the babies caregivers, i.e. my mom, brother and his girlfriend.

Think I left anything out???

julia

Twins Instruction Manual

The twins are pretty easy to care for. They really need only a couple of things a day. They eat, play, sleep, and poop/pee; usually in that order 6-7 times a day. As long as they are full and happy, everything will go smoothly. That said, here are a few things to know before calling/texting me with questions. And, please do that. I am sure I will call 10-20 times a day to check on them, but if something comes up, just call. I will NEVER be without my phone.

DO NOT EVER LEAVE THE BABIES ON THEIR STOMACHS……ESPECIALLY TO SLEEP!!!! I just read another story about a baby dying of SIDS at 4 months. I am terrified of this, plus the doctor says NO!!

Schedule:

8:00 – feeding followed by playtime Good Morning!!! Smiles all around!

9:30- 11:00 – naptime

11:00 – feeding followed by playtime again!!

12:15 – 2:00 – naptime again!!

2:00 – feeding and more playtime!!

4:00 – 5:00 naptime number 3

5:00 – feeding and more playtime….notice a pattern!?!?!

8:00 – feeding and get ready for bed.

8:30ish – bedtime Good Night!! Love and kisses!!

11:00 – dream feed with nurses (they will bathe them at some point in the night)

4:00 – feeding and back to bed

** please record every feeding and diaper in the log book **

Feeding:

· Caroline eats the Gentlease formula. It is in the purple tub. She takes 3 5-ounce bottles and 2 6-ounce bottles during the day. At night, I give them 4 oz bottles. Foe the 5 oz bottle, use 2 and a half scoops. For the 6 oz bottle, use 3 scoops. Fill to the water line labeled 5 or 6. Stir with a knife. It gets pretty clumpy. Use a level 2 nipple. Dr. Brown’s bottle. Sometimes, Miss Caroline is difficult and will only eat 2-3 oz at a time. Just let her rest for 15 minutes and try again. She is picky.

· AJ is a bit more difficult. He takes 5 6-ounce bottles a day. He gets 1/3 AR formula (orange tub) and 2/3 normal formula (yellow tub). In the bottle, use one scoop AR and 2 scoops Normal. Fill to the 6 oz line. Stir with a knife. He will use the nipple with the nail polish on it. They have been modified to compensate for the thicker formula. Dr. Brown’s bottle

· You may use tap water or filtered water from the fridge. Just make sure it is warm. If you use the bottle warmer, set it to the middle setting for about 15 minutes.

Playtime:

· Activity mats are good just after a feeding. They like to lie on the floor and look up at all the colors. Just make sure to turn on the toy.

· The jumper is great for more active play. Make sure their legs are through the holes. Use receiving blankets folded in front and in back of them to secure the baby in.

· The excersaucer is the favorite toy right now. Make sure their legs are through the holes. Use blankets to secure the babies in place. There is a blanket on the bottom of the toy to help them stand up. They are still too short for it, but love to play in it.

· Tummy time needs to be done twice a day if possible. Just place the blanket on the floor. Lay the babies on their stomachs and place toys in front of them. The flat piano is also good to put on the ground with them. They will bat at it and make music. This helps them lift their heads and hopefully one day, roll over. You can also get on the ground with them and “help” them roll over so they get the idea. AJ is better than Caroline at this. She gets fussy after about 10 minutes. DO NOT LEAVE THEM UNATTENDED DURING TUMMY TIME!!!

· The bouncy seats are great for story time. Place them in them and read. They love voices!!!!

· The swing is the go-to toy when they are fussy. Put it on 5 and rock them and the swing will do the rest. Turn on the vibration for extra soothing.

· The bumbo seats help them sit up. Place them in these and put on a DVD. (a baby DVD, not some crazy horror movie) They love to watch the colors and shapes. You can also let them play with the piano here. Fun!!

Naptime:

· I am still trying to get them to sleep in their cribs for a nap, but it usually doesn’t work. Just place them in their tacos and cover with a blanket. Give them their horsey and a pacifier, and they will sleep well. It is ok for the TV to be on during naps, just not too loud.

· Always place the baby on their backs to sleep.

· If they fall asleep on you, that is fine. Just place them in the taco asleep.

Burping:

· Burp the baby every 1-2 oz of formula eaten

· If the baby won’t burp, get up and walk around with them. Sometimes this gets the gas up.

· Burp cloths and bibs are located in the left hand cabinet of the entertainment center in the living room.

Bedtime:

· Around 6 o clock, the babies will start to get fussy. This is their witching hour and they do it every day. Just bare with them. They are telling you that it is almost time to go to sleep.

· After the last feeding, make sure they are burped and have a clean diaper. Change them into a clean onesie from their drawer. Keep the lights low.

· Wrap the babies in their miracle blankets. I will show you how to do it, but if you forget how, just Google it and look at it on YouTube. It is very important that they are swaddled to sleep. This is what they are used to and it keeps them asleep longer.

· Turn on their crib aquariums; turn on their white noise machine on the floor, one night-light and the fan. Pacifier in mouth.

· They do not need extra blankets. This is a smothering hazard and is dangerous. If it gets cold, turn off the fan. The thermostat should be at 72 during the night for them. Their miracle blankets keep them warm enough.

· The monitor is very important. Please keep it with you when they are asleep at all times. It needs to stay plugged in to hold full charge. In order to see both babies follow these instructions exactly. Turn the monitor on. Make sure it is on camera one. Then push the button with the 4 squares on it. Once you see both babies, push the same button again. This should make the monitor cycle between babies every 5 seconds. Call me with questions.

· Read a story to them. Say their prayers with them before you leave the room. Now I lay me down to sleep. Tell Rob he is on duty to watch over them as they sleep. Leave the door open when you leave the room.

· If they cry, go upstairs, shush them, and put their pacifier back in their mouth. Repeat if necessary.

Other Stuff:

· Lilly needs to go out every 2-3 hours. Her food is in the garage. Please fill it daily and place outside.

· The water bowl needs to be refilled with clean water daily.

· The cat’s litter box needs to be changed on Saturday or Sunday. If you don’t the cats will go everywhere and Lilly will get “treats” from the litter box and eat on the floor. Disgusting!!!!!!!!

· The mail needs to come in every day.

· There are a few packages coming. Please sign for them.

· The downstairs temp and upstairs temp should be on 72 or higher. During the day put the upstairs on 76-77 please. We had a $420.00 electric bill last month, so we need to save wherever we can.

· Turn off lights if you are not using them.

· The nurse will be here from 10-7 each night. She will bathe the babies. Leave her one of three checks in the table when you go up at night.

· Please wash the bottles well. Bacteria form very easily in warm milk.

· Do not leave the house when the nurse is here unless its an emergency

· Do not drive with the babies unless it is an emergency.

A day in the life of a twin mom

2011-08-22T11:37:00.001-07:00

AJ sitting like a big boy in his bumbo

Caroline loves to stick out her tongue.

This is how you go shopping with twins. Cuts down on costs because there is not much room!!

I thought it would be appropriate to let you all know what my days and nights now look like. I am lucky to be able to stay at home for the first year of my babies' lives, and I am so thankful for it. I won't lie and say it is all great all of the time. There is a lot of stress, and most of it comes out between Adam and I. I know it is normal, but sometimes it is hard. And then, there are those days where everything goes perfectly and I really do feel like supermom.

6:45 am - wake up to the sound of babies rustling in their cribs...I brush my teeth and maybe put on a bra...maybe

7:00 am - unwrap both twins from their miracle blankets to big smiles. Bring the babies downstairs for first feeding.

7:00 am - 7:45 am - #1 Bottle feed both babies at the same time alternating between bottle props and burping. The bouncers are essential when you are feeding by yourself.

7:45 am - 9:00 am - Play time!!! Usually the activity mats on blankets. Tummy time and practice rolling over. Swing action if we get cranky early.

9:00 am - 10:00 am - Nap Time #1 .... Mom cleans up around the house, pays bills, washes bottles, etc. Sometimes I steal a nap too.

10:00 am - 10:45 am - Feeding #2

10:45 am - 11:15 am - More Play time. Jumper and excersaucer time.

11:15 am - 1:30 pm - Nap # 2 ....long nap. I do random things and daddy comes home for lunch.

1:30 pm - 2:15 pm - Feeding # 3

2:15 pm - 4:00 pm - Play time, singing, etc.

4:00 pm - 5:00 pm - Nap # 3

5:00 - 5:45 pm - Feeding #4 .....Hopefully Daddy is home by now to help out

5:45 pm - 7:30-8:00 pm - Bath time, play with Daddy, start to get cranky

7:45 pm - 8:30 pm - Feeding #4 ....Daddy helps...yeah!!

8:30 pm - Bedtime ....wrap in miracle blankets, humidifier on, noise machine on, aquarium going, read a story or two, pray to Jesus, say good night to Uncle Rob.

8:30 pm - 10:30 pm - Mommy and Daddy time. Mom may get a shower in here somewhere.

10:30 pm - 11:15 pm - Feeding #6 Dream Feed one at a time by mom. No change of diaper or unswaddling.

11:30 pm - sleep for mom

4:00 am - One or both of the twins are moving around and whimpering to be fed.

4:00 am - 5:00 am - Feeding #7 .....thank goodness for Big Brother after dark. We watch it every night.

5:00 am - 6:45 am - mom sleeps

6:45 am - wake up and do it all over again!!!!

This is how our day typically goes. We dropped the second night feed about three weeks ago, and it has made life much more manageable. That 4 hour straight sleep is key to coping during the day. If we need to go somewhere, the schedule adjusts. Today, we went to the store for the first time alone, so the schedule got thrown off a bit. We will make it up later. The most important thing is to get them to bed around 8:30 and dream feed around 11:00. That way, they wake up at the same time in the middle of the night every night. Everything else just falls into place.

Good luck to all you new moms, especially the twin moms....or more. It is a crazy life, but it is our life. Let me know if you have any questions. I got lots of answers...lol!!

Julia

Caroline in the jumper. She hasn't quite got the hang of it yet.

AJ trying to figure this thing out. Love those chunky legs!!

3 MONTHS OLD

2011-08-18T15:38:00.001-07:00

We are 3 months old today!! Sister weighs 13.1 oz and Brother weighs 15.7. They are getting sooooo big soooo fast. We are only getting up once a night now, so life is getting better. I am actually a functioning adult again. Blogging will commence again soon. Trying to live with a new normal without my brother and with my growing loves. I still cry daily, but I also laugh daily. God is funny that way I guess.

Miss you all.

Love,

julia

advice needed

2011-08-12T15:14:00.001-07:00

I am in the process of planning the twins baptism. Do you have any tips or suggestions? I want it to be beautiful and very special.

thanks

julia

James and Jaime the giraffe

2011-08-08T11:39:00.000-07:00

You may not have heard about sweet James yet, but I promise, as soon as you read his story, you will be in love. Little James passed away the same day my brother did. He was 8 months old. Please read his story, give his parents support, and sign the form to name the new giraffe Jaime after little James. He LOVED giraffes, and this would be such a great honor and gift for him. I know we all have a spot for God's littlest angels. Let's give him this gift!!!

Thanks,

julia

http://jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com/2011/08/giraffe-baby-at-dallas-zoo.html

VOTE for Jaime the Giraffe after this wonderful, courageous little angel!!!

Please repost this so we can give one more gift to sweet James. Every vote counts.

Baby tacos

2011-08-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

If you are having a baby, you MUST get the baby tacos!!!! They are really the fisher price rock and play sleepers, but we call them the tacos. They have replaced the pack and play and are awesome!!! Plus, they are super easy to transport and the babies love to snooze in them and play in them. Seriously.....register for them. They are good up to 25 lbs and you can buckle the baby in.
Brother and sister forever!!!! I am so happy they will have the same great relationship I had with my brother. And, look how big they are. Trying out their bumbo seats!!!

Adam, me, my brother George and my brother Rob. I wanted to share this with you all. Miss him. Love him forever!!

My Princess. She LOVES her Horsey. She is saying back away from my toy or else!!!!

I rearranged the living room today to accommodate everything that comes with twins. I will post pictures soon. Babies have a LOT of stuff!!!!!!

Julia

what we have been up to...and some pics

2011-08-04T08:50:00.001-07:00

Well, as most of you know, we have had a very difficult last 3 weeks. I tragically lost my older brother, Rob. I have been beside myself with grief, and if it were not for my babies, I would not be functioning well. Fortunately, I do have them. They keep me smiling and I know that my brother is watching us from heaven and is happy. I miss him so much though. What I would give to hear his voice again or to hug him again. I am still so sad.

Rob and AJ and Caroline when they were born. He was so proud to be their uncle! Now he is their guardian angel.

Rob's casket. He loved Monster energy drink and drank 2-3 each day. One of his friends brought this for him. Very Rob!!

Bath time in Waco the last time they visited their uncle. He even helped bathe them. Shocker!!

We are two months old. I will get better posting about them very soon. I am healing.

11 weeks!!!

Tummy time fail!!!!

Sleepy momma with her babies. I sure do love them!!!!

AJ all dressed up with nowhere to go!!

Rainbow Bright Caroline!!

We drove to Adam's family reunion in Atlanta the week after we buried Rob. It was a blast and everyone loved meeting the twins. They did great in the car. 16 hours there and 16 hours home!!!

This sums up the last 3 weeks. I will try to post every 3 days or so about the babies. They are sleeping 4-5 hours at night. Still not good, but getting better. Momma can function again!!!

Love to you all!!!

Julia

hi

2011-08-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

i am here. still very sad. i'll post again soon. thanks for all the love and prayers. Rob would be very proud.

julia

ps....both babies have a cold from our trip to Atlanta and the week we spent burying my brother. they picked it up somewhere on the way. no sleep for this exhausted momma. love them so much. i see my brother in my son every day.

Rest in peace brother

2011-07-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. I had planned on starting sleep training the twins. I made it all the way to 4 in the afternoon. They did great, an then my world turned upside down.

I got a call from my brother's girlfriend at 4 asking me if I had talked to him in the last day. No. She was getting worried because he hadn't called her in almost 24 hours, and it is not like him not to call. I tell her I will figure it out. I call my mom. She is out of town. She can't go by. She calls my grandmother to go by and check on him. He had 2 seizures last week and has been resting. He is probably asleep. My grandmother and her nurse go by to check on Rob. She is 83.

I text my mom at 5:39 to ask if there is any news. She calls me back immediately. "He is dead."

I am holding the baby feeding him at this point. My arms go numb. I hand him to Adam. I walked in the kitchen and fell to the floor sobbing. My brother is dead. He had a seizure and drowned in the bathtub. He is never coming back. Gone forever.

My brother was always a troubled soul. He struggled with addiction from the age of 13. He had been to more rehabs than I can count and had relapsed on more drugs than you can imagine. That said, he was an amazing person. I always wanted to be around my older brother. He hated it. If he was doing something, I wanted to do it too. If he went somewhere, I made my mom make him take me. I was so proud to grow up with Rob as my brother. We had a very special relationship that I will cherish always. We confided in each other. Yes, we had our disagreements, but I am so glad that we were great friends when he died. I am also so happy that the last words we said to each other were "I love you."

Rob loved my babies. He was so happy when I was pregnant, and he was elated when he met them. He loved to hold them and cuddle them. I am devastated that I will have to tell them that their uncle died when they were two months old. We never got to say goodbye.

The next days and weeks will be very hard for me and my family. There will be many, many tears and lots of "why?" I will get angry. I will get sad. I will be happy. I will never forget.

I love you so much Rob Hunter. You always made me smile, and your spirit was infectious. Everyone loved you and always will. Rob never met an enemy. He was the center of the room wherever he went. He will be missed terribly.

I will never forget you brother. Rest now sweet rob. You don't have to struggle anymore. Heaven got a little bit brighter when you left us. I can't wait to see you again. I will see you on the other side. I love you so much.

i need your help

2011-07-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

Mom......he is touching me!!!!

dear blog world,

yes, i have been absent for a while, but i have a good excuse....... twins!

i would so love to come back to you on a regular basis, but this is very difficult. You see, I have twins a home and they are not sleeping throigh the night...like at all. tomorrow they will be 8 weeks old and all i can get out of them is a 3-3 1/2 hour stretch at a time. i am sooooooo tired. i know they will sleep soon....or maybe when they are 14. i would kill for some great advice and help. i think my husband would really like some help too. he is doing great with them too, bu i know he is just as tired as we are.

i need advice.....please.

as soon a they sleep more, i will be back more. PROMISE!!!

julia

and now some pics!!

sure.....they sleep during the day

he looks like an old man....hehe

with daddy at work

sleepy momma with her babies. sooooo worth it!

2011-06-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

sooooooooooo tired but sooooooo happy.

twins are AWESOME!!!

C weighs 9 lbs. AJ weighs 10 lbs.

3 am is NOT fun anymore!! I loved it when I was in college, but it is so different now.

old breast milk in the folds of the babies neck is a great smell.

I love bath time. Just mommy and babies.

my pump owns my boobs these days.

16 bottles a day, 112 bottles a week, 672 bottles in 6 weeks. lots of lotion on these hands!

20 diapers a day, 140 diapers a week, 840 diapers in 6 weeks.

my daughter talks in her sleep.

she has a belly button hernia. :(

my son is a momma's boy and loves to snuggle.

he also has colic.

miss you all. be back soon...or when they are 3 months old and sleeping through the night.

oh ya....i am down 41 pounds. I only gained 45 with the twins. 4 more to go and then it is on to the infertility weight.

julia

Stationery card

2011-06-16T15:03:00.001-07:00

Seeing Double Birth Announcement

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Life with twins

2011-06-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

Yep!! Life is very busy around here. I am reading all of your posts, but it is very hard to comment on them all right now. Please hang in there with us. Hopefully we will start getting some sleep soon and I will be normal again some day!! Here are just a few pictures to show you what life is like in our house.

You gotta do what you gotta do!!!

Thank goodness we got a bigger car!! This is what we looked like on the way to Waco this past weekend!

Lots of washing..........

And bottles and more washing........

All dressed up and ready to see grandmom

Daddy gave me a mohawk

Twins sleep the same way

Every night

And at naps!!

Have a great day/week everyone. I will try to post more regular from now on, but who knows?!?!?!

Julia, AJ and Caroline

Birth story....finally

2011-06-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

Caroline snoozing in her bouncer

AJ snoozing in his bouncer

Hey everyone. I am so sorry this has taken so long to post, but life is CRAZY right now!!!!

so....without further adieu...here is the story.

We had the amnio on Tuesday morning. We got to the office at 8:30 and were back in the room by 9 for the test. If you have no had an amnio before, it hurts. They cleaned me off and I watched the huge needle go into AJ's sac. I got really queasy and hot as I watched it and felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't, thank goodness!! We then had to run it downstairs to the lab in order for the results to be back by the end of the day. It was kind of important that everything work out because all of our family was coming in town for the birth the next day.

About 4:30 I called the doctor's office to see if the results were in yet. Two of the three tests had come back. One they had passed and was mature and one was in transition. We had to have the third test mature in order to deliver. She told me if I had not heard back from them by 5 to call my doctor. Five o clock came around and I hadn't heard from them. STRESS!!!! I called my doctor and got the on call service. I left a message. My ob called back at 5:30 and had no idea about everything. He promised he would figure it our and call me back. I told him I would name my son after him if he would make this happen. All the family was in town and we had dinner plans at 6:30.

I heard back from him at 6:15 as we were walking out the door. We passed the third test!!! The c section was scheduled for 7:30 the next morning. We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 the next morning. I started to get nervous. I was going to have major surgery and meet my children in less than 12 hours.

We went to dinner as a whole family. My mom, dad, brother, his girlfriend, Brother in law, father in law, mother in law, husband and I all sat around a table and enjoyed dinner. It was the first time since our wedding that this had happened. This had to be a good sign.

4:00 the next morning came pretty quickly! I hardly slept a wink because I was so anxious. We called the hospital and checked in at 4:30. By 5:15 we were out the door. We live 3 miles from the hospital and made it on time. We walked up to the third floor to labor and delivery. They were waiting on us. We did a quick check in, got our armbands and were taken back to the room. By 5:45 I had an iv in my arm and was getting prepped for what was about to happen. I went to the restroom one last time at 6:00 and as I walked out, the first of my family walked in. That is when the stress began.

The relatives began to poor into the small little room an my blood pressure started to rise. All my family members are divorced and it is very awkward to have them all there at the same time. Needless to say. I felt strange and it reflected in the BP. After 45 minutes of family and pictures, the anesthesiologist came in to take my BP again. It was 175/100. I asked everyone to leave. Adam and I needed to focus on us and our babies!!! I was getting pretty nervous.

Before I knew it, it was 7:15 and they were wheeling me into the operating room, alone. Adam was getting his scrubs on. It was cold in there and there were lots of machines and hoses. I saw the two isolates and reality hit me. I was about to give birth.

I sat on the operating table to put the epidural in. That is harder than you think. The anesthesiologist was feeling on my spine for a good place. Her remark: "You must have been on bed rest for a while because there is lots of fluid back here." Thanks lady!! Yes, I am huge like a house, but I am carrying TWO babies and I did it for 37 weeks!!!! She told me not to move because if I did I could get bad headaches or be paralyzes. No pressure, right?!?!?! The nurse was holding me still and I started to get dizzy. Probably cause I was arched over and couldn't breathe because of my huge tummy. She said she had me and wouldn't let me fall. In my mind I was thinking that is great, but if I move I will be paralyzed so your holding me doesn't matter!! My legs started to go numb and I started to freak out about moving them.

Before I knew it, they were positioning me on the bed for surgery. I started to feel nauseas because my blood pressure was dropping from the medication. I told the anesthesiologist that I was going to throw up. She told me to hold on. HOLD ON?!?!?! I had no control over what was about to happen. I asked her where I should throw up. She said to lean to the side and handed me a paper cup/tube thing. I puked!!! It went down my face. So much for makeup and trying to look good. She gave me the meds and I fin ally felt a bit better.

Adam walked in now. I was lying on the table with only my breasts covered. They were shaving me and putting in the catheter. He got to see the whole thing. Gotta love marriage. I told him I had puked and he wiped my face and held my hand. I was starting to get scared. You see, I have panic disorder and a huge fear of being confined. As soon as the curtain went up, I started to freak out. They couldn't give me anything because it could hurt the babies, so I was about to suffer through this alone.

I tried to cough to clear my throat after throwing up and couldn't. My diaphragm was paralyzed from the epidural. This freaked me out and I couldn't breathe. They put oxygen on my and I only felt more confined. Adam tried to calm me down, but all I could do was beg them to stop for a minute. They didn't. They were already cutting by then, I found out later. So, there on the operating table as I was birthing my children, I had a panic attack!! Awesome!! Some sweet nurse with blue eyes started talking to me, and she somehow brought me out of it. When I felt the pressure on my abdomen of the doctor pushing and pulling them out, I calmed down. I had something else to focus on.

I heard them say that baby A was out. Adam stood up and witnessed our daughter being born. He said she was purple and covered in white wax but not much blood when they pulled her out. I waited to hear her cry for what seemed like forever. Finally, I heard the most beautiful sound ever. Caroline started to cry!! My daughter was born. I was a mom.

Not 30 seconds later, I heard them say that baby B was coming. Adam once again watched as our son was born. He cried almost immediately and then he peed. Yep, it went all in me. Good thing they had to clean up everything anyway!! Come to find out, Caroline peed in me too, but it was not as pronounced as AJ. Adam watched as they cut their cords and he went to their sides as they were weighed and measured. Caroline wrapped her fingers around her daddy's finger for the first time 3 minutes after her birth. He took pictures and was running back and forth between his children. He was a daddy. We were a family.

I later found out that as soon as AJ came out, the anesthesiologist gave me something to calm down. Maybe that is why I kept asking to see the placenta. Gross, I know but it fascinated me. Luckily, they didn't let me.

The doctors sewed me up and cleaned everything and Adam left with our children. I felt at peace and relaxed....finally. About 20-30 minutes after they left, I was wheeled into the room. Adam was in there with our twins. They immediately put both babies to the breast, but they were not very successful. Their mouths were still pretty premature for the sucking needed.

We waited until we got up to the room for everyone to come meet them. We wanted out time alone as a family. Adam left with pictures and showed everyone the babies.

This was the best day of my life!!!!!

Happy Due Date to the babies!!!! Today they are fully cooked!!!

some things i have learned

2011-05-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

at the pediatrician for the first time.

I have about 5 minutes before I have to feed the twins again, but I wanted to post and let you all know we are still here and surviving. Before I begin, I would like to ask you all to say a special prayer for my dear friend Becki. She delivered her triplets on May 27th at 29 weeks 5 days. They are all doing well right now, but they have a long road in front of them. They weighed 2.8, 2.11, and 2.13. May Jesus and His angels watch over them and keep them safe. Please go send her love at www.sheptrips.blogspot.com

I have learned that I need two of everything!! Two bottle warmers, two drying racks, two breast pumps (one up and one down), two changing areas, two adults, two diaper genies, etc. The key is TWO!!! I have also learned that a two story house is not conducive to having two babies. I have learned that sleep is very over-rated and that 2 hours is more than enough to function. I have learned that coffee is my best friend. I have learned that not all company is good company and that sometimes it is best to be alone. I have learned the true definition of the word team. I could not do this without my husband. I am very lucky to have such a hands on daddy. I have learned to share and give up my stronghold on many things. I have learned patience. I have leaned that the smell of a newborn is just like heaven. They smell like Jesus (from Adam on day 3 of no sleep). I have learned that I will do anything in the world for two small 5 pound babies. I have learned the true definition of love.

We are getting into the groove of things. Adam takes the 3 am shift and I take the 6 am shift so that we can both get a four hour chunk of sleep. That is key! Breastfeeding is going well. We are nursing and formula feeding. Trying to pump up milk production now. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. My boobs are out more of the day than clothed. Pumping hurts.

Caroline had met her birth weight. She is now 5 lbs 9 oz. AJ is on his way. He weighs 6 lbs 2 oz. They have moved from the bed to the cradle. Makes more sense. Animals in the house are adjusting well. People are adjusting too. Get a schedule book to keep track of things. Otherwise, you will NOT remember who did what and to whom.

More to come. Babies are hungry. Boobs about to come out. Birth story soon. I had a panic attack on the table while they were cutting. How's that for a teaser?!?!

I am in love.

julia

photo shoot...more pics

2011-05-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

The twins had their newborn photo shoot today. Here is a preview from that shoot. More to come.

We are doing great. VERY TIRED!!!!! Newborns are difficult, and twins are extra hard, but this is the greatest experience of my life.

More to come when I can think straight. Thank you so much for all your love and support.

julia

we have arrived

2011-05-22T07:31:00.001-07:00

hey all.

so sorry this is so overdue. we have been in a crazy wonderful whirlwind for the past 5 days. the twins have arrived!!!!!

Caroline Elizabeth was born on May 18th at 7:56 am. She weighed 5 lbs 7 oz and was 17 1/2 inches long.

Adam Blake Jr. (AJ) was born on May 18th at 7:57 am. He weighed 6 lbs 5 oz and was 17.7 inches long.

Both babies are doing great and so is mom. More to come very soon.

I am in heaven!

julia

tomorrow is the day.

2011-05-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is the big day!! i will be delivering the twins at 7:30 in the morning. the next time i talk to you i will be a mom. wish us luck. i couldn't have gotten this far without all of your love and support. thank you.

julia

Things I have learned in 37 weeks

2011-05-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

As I get closer and closer to the hour when I will meet my children, I realize that I have learned a few things. I hope you don't mind if I share some things with you about pregnancy and life as a soon-to-be mom to 37 week twins.

Stretch Marks. Stretch mark cream is a great idea, but if you have stretch marks in your family, you will get them. Don't waste money on the really expensive ones. Just buy the ones they sell at Target or Walgreen's. You feel like you are doing something even if you are not. The best way to figure out if you will have stretch marks is to look at your momma. My daughter doesn't stand a chance.
Ice cream. It is good and is very useful when you need to fatten your babies up. Eat as much of it as you can. This is the only time in your life that ice cream is acceptable for dinner, and it is a great excuse.
Weight. Don't worry about your weight. You are going to gain weight. You are pregnant. That's what you are supposed to do. Try to stay away from the scale. No, I am not very good at this, but I have finally realized that every pound I gain means that my babies are that much healthier. I made it to 37 weeks with twins. i know. :)
Body Functions. Gas, belching and other bodily functions. They will happen and there is nothing you can do about them but laugh. The body is an amazing thing and can do so much. It has to recharge too!
Sleep. Sleep is overrated. Enjoy the sleep that comes in the first trimester. When you are the size of a house with a baby or babies taking up all the real estate in your stomach, you get pretty uncomfortable. You will get up every 30-45 minutes to pee. You will get tired of sleeping on your left side. You will figure out how to sleep sitting up. You will resent your husband who snores right next to you. You will repeat "this will all be worth it" over and over in your head night after night.
Breathing. Breathing is overrated too. If you are like me and live in a two story house, the stairs will eventually become your nemesis. Try to get as much done upstairs before you have to go down. Try not to be ashamed when you have to stop halfway up the stairs to catch your breath.
Food. If you are hungry, eat! If you want to get more than one meal to make sure you have something to eat later, do it. Don't be embarrassed if you finish everything on your plate or if you can't eat at all. The babies will let you know when to eat and how much.
Water. Water is your best friend and you should drink as much of it as you can. I got two of the plastic cups with a lid and a plastic straw from bed bath and beyond and I use them every day all the time. I am constantly drinking water because it is one of the best things for the babies. Water will stop your contractions, clear out your skin, grow your babies, flush your system and curb your hunger in a pinch.
Hunger. Keep peanuts or hard candy in your purse at all times. You never know when your blood sugar is going to drop or your kids will get hungry.
Kicks. The babies kicks and hiccups are the sweetest things to ever feel. I will miss them the most when they are out. I will really miss them when they are 16 and driving me nuts.
Sex.........what's that? I know some people have lots and lots of sex while pregnant and I salute you. I wish you would put out a book on how to do that because for the life of me, I can not figure it out. If you are on your back, you are suffocating. If you are on top, you are exposing your huge stomach to the world and fear you may kill your husband. If you are doggie style, you may have a problem finding things. I'm just saying. Sex is overrated too. We will see what happens in a few months.
Swelling. It is perfectly normal to have feet that look like they came from a manatee and fingers that look like sausages. The only thing that works is to keep your feet up and rest, but that is usually only after the doctor makes you!
Work. Yes, it is important, but it is not worth your babies health or your well being. I personally stopped working at 26 weeks when I was told that if I didn't, I would have the twins early. The last thing I wanted was to have the in the NICU if I could help it. I took a leap of faith and pay cut because we were not on disability yet. However, by 30 weeks, I was on bed rest. Now we are 37 weeks and are forcing these kids out! Guess it worked.
Bed rest. Find something to do to occupy your time. The television is great at first but it gets very boring after a while. I thank God for my friend Heather. She has come over and entertained me these past few months. If not for her, I would have gone insane.
Family. Your family will drive you insane. At least, mine did and still does. They all are so excited about the future members of the family coming that they don't realize the stress it puts on you. If your family is divorced, this will be an extra strain. If your family doesn't like one another, you will have even more stress. If you have a dysfunctional family, the stress levels keep rising. Needless to say, I understand why the twins are taking so long to come out. I wouldn't be in a hurry to get here either with all these crazy people.
Friends. You are going to need your friends with you to keep you sane. I am so thankful for mine. They have kept me smiling when I didn't feel like it and keep me grounded. Thanks.
Husband. Adam and I have been through a lot. I am not going to lie to you and say everything has been rosy every day. We have had our ups and downs, but thankfully the ups outnumber the downs. We made a commitment to each other before God, and we have worked each day for our marriage and our family. I was lucky to marry my best friend and I can't wait for the adventure we are about to embark on. I love you baby. Thanks for being my children's father.

With all of this going on, I am still the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. Adam and I have struggled for many years with all that life throws at you. We have overcome so much, and our reward is finally on its way. Our two beautiful children will be here in 42 hours. We will be parents and a whole new life is about to begin for us. I am so excited, nervous, anxious and overwhelmed all at the same time. I am not sure what this blog will be after they are born, but I know it will be a place for them and us. I hope you continue to follow us on this crazy ride called life. I have a feeling that it's going to be a whole lot of fun!!!

julia

60 hours to go

2011-05-15T17:44:00.000-07:00

just wanted to let you know that we are still here. the babies are set to be evicted in a little less than 60 hours. i am getting nervous for so many reasons. thanks for all of your sweet comments. i can't wait to show off my babies to you when they arrive.

julia

5 days left!!!!

2011-05-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

Yep!!! You guessed it! We have only 5 days left until we get to meet the twins!!!

I went to the perinatologist yesterday for my final appointment. Caroline weighed in at 6 pounds 5 ounces. AJ weighed in at 6 pounds 10 ounces. Now, that is give or take 12 ounces, but still. I have some BIG babies!! We are still only 1cm dilated, so no such luck on early babies.

We are scheduled for the amnio on Tuesday morning at 8:15 am. The doc is 99% confident that everything will be fine with the babies and that we can go ahead with the c section on Wednesday. So.... I am officially registered for my c section on Wednesday, May 18th at 7:30 am.

Everyone is making their hotel reservations and plans are to have everyone here by Tuesday night. Hopefully, we can all go out to dinner as a big family. I know I would like this. However, this depends on whether everyone can get along or not. I am already starting to hear their conflicts and it makes me angry. This is about Caroline and AJ!! No one else!!!! We shall see.

Adam and I are starting to get a bit nervous about this whole parenting thing. We have planned and hoped for it for so long, and now that the time is finally here, it is very surreal!!! I still find it hard to believe that in less than 4 1/2 days or 109 hours, I will be holding my children.

wow

julia

7 days left!!!

2011-05-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

We are still here. Yesterday was Adam's 30th birthday. We had a great time. I will post more later on. I am headed to a doctor's appointment in a bit and have to get ready. I just wanted you to all know that we are still waiting. No babies yet!

julia

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

My handsome man. Sure do miss him today.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, mothers-to-be, and to those who are mothers to babies past or future. One day, God will answer all of our prayers in His own way. I am so happy He finally answered mine.

We are still here. Still pregnant.

10 days till we meet the twins!

My Mother's Day present from my husband!

Breakfast prepared by my baby daddy!!

julia

35 weeks 3 days and REAL belly pictures

2011-05-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what someone who is 35 weeks 3 days pregnant with twins over 5 1/2 pounds each looks like? Well, if you have, look below. I got really brave and have taken pictures of my bare belly, stretch marks and all. I am trying to embrace my new body because it is the reason that I will have two children in 12 days or less. I'm getting a bit nostalgic about being pregnant and I know I will miss it.

35 weeks 3 days

The doctor says they are doing great. They are practicing breathing and have no signs of problems. Caroline weighed 5 lbs 13 oz and AJ weighed 5 lbs 8 oz yesterday. That's almost 12 pounds of baby. Wow!!! I keep thinking that I will go to the hospital each night. The contractions get pretty intense at night, but they have stopped when I sleep....I think. I feel lots and lots of pressure down there now. I have to sit on something comfortable or my pubic area starts to ache. I am also feeling strange twinges, pulls and LOTS of pressure. I know they will be here soon. I am just curious if they are going to wait until the 18th or if they will make their appearance sooner.

A side view of my huge belly. There are two babies in there!!

This is what my belly really looks like. Yes, I have stretch marks.... and I am finally okay with it. Yes, I used to have a belly ring that has destroyed my belly button. Yes, I am the size of a house. And, yes. I am about to finally be a mommy.

Julia

c section question

2011-05-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

Ladies!!!

I have a question??? I am looking at c section recovery kits and belts to help recover after a c section. Are these really worth it? Are here any tips yo may have to make the healing process smoother and quicker? The twins are going to be a lot to handle and I want to be up and running as soon as possible. HELP!!!!!

julia

35 weeks 1 day and some pictures

2011-05-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

Adam and Lilly. She needs lots more attention now that Kozmo is gone.

Just got back from the doctor. Still only dilated to 1cm. Nothing new. No new weight gain, which I am not sad about. I am still having contractions and they are getting a bit stronger, but nothing to go to the hospital for. The next time I go to the hospital will be to deliver these babies!!!!!

My doctor is going out of town this weekend, so he told me his partner will be on call for me. He already knows where I m and how close we are. he said that we could go t any time. the babies both weigh about 5 1/2 pounds and are doing great. heartbeats are great. They are staying in position, so I assume that they are pretty cramped and don't have anywhere to go. AJ is breech and Caroline is vertex. They are still kicking away, but not as much. I also had a bad nose bleed last night complete with blood clots. Apparently it is normal. Blood pressure was a bit high today. 146/80. hmmmmm????

We did schedule an amnio for May 17th. If all goes well, which they are sure it will, we will deliver on May 18th. They have even booked it because they are so confident. The amnio is just to make 100% sure that their lungs are fully developed. By the looks of all their practice breathing on the ultrasounds and the hiccups they get daily, I am sure they are. So, we finally have a date!!!! May 18th. The doctor doesn't think we will go that long though. My family all think the babies are coming this weekend. ?????????

I asked him if it is okay for me to try what I could to get them to come. He said he doesn't put much faith in all that, but said I could try away. I went to Wal Mart today. I know. I am a rebel!! Any suggestions??

I love having them in, but I am ready to have them out now. Carrying around 11-12 pound of baby plus all the placentas, fluids, blood, etc. is a lot. I am tired. My feet and back really hurt.

Momma and Daddy are ready to meet you two.

AJ's swimsuit and hat...and shark outfit to match

Caroline's swimsuit and hat....and adorable cherry outfit

Thing one and thing two.....I'm pretty sure this is mandatory with twins

Summer matching outfit front

And back....love the crab butts

And one more for good measure. I promise not to match them all the time, but sometimes it is okay, right?!?!?!?!

hallelujah!!!

2011-05-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD!!!!!!!!!

Go America!!!!!!

No let's work on bringing our boys home.

Kozmo

2011-04-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

My best friend went to meet our Lord today at 3:59. He is no longer in pain and is not suffering anymore. This was the hardest decision of my life. He was such a good boy, and his daddy and I will love him forever. We will never forget you Kozmo. Rest well buddy. Love Momma.

2011-04-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die;" Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

It's time.

Dr visit and update on Koz

2011-04-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the Dr's office. Everything is going fine. I am still dilated at 1.5 cm. He said that I am doing so well now he may want me to go to 38 weeks. No thank you!!! I hope they come before that. I will be so uncomfortable. 36-37 weeks is great with me. I gained 4 lbs for a total of 40 lbs since beginning IVF and 35 lbs since getting pregnant. Pretty good for twins.

In Kozmo news. This morning he showed great promise, but now he is not doing so well. He actually came upstairs on his own last night and was on his bed when Adam went to work. When I woke up two hours later, the little man had made it to his favorite spot, the guest bed. I naively thought he was getting better. Well, an hour later it was feeding time. He did really well at first. When I went to give him some more, he vomited everything up. He the just wanted to go lay outside on his bed in the shade. I let him out and he stayed there most of the day.

I called the vet to see if the medication he is on was working. He is drooling a lot and has a slimy mucus in all his vomit. The vet was much more straightforward than the one I spoke with the day before, which I appreciated. He said he wasn't going to bullshit me. If I went with more IV fluids and antibiotics, he may get better or a few days, but with levels as high as his, he was just going to be right back here very soon. He said the medication works, but the fact that he is still vomiting on it and the slime means that the toxins being produced my his kidneys and stomach are too much for him. He will eventually develop ulcers from all the stomach acid. His suggestion to me was to nurse him. He said he would be up and down for a few days, and then I would know what to do. He suggested that I get chicken broth, pedialyte and a pepcid if he can stomach it. I am to give him a little at a time, like a syringe full to an ounce and let him rest. It is about making him as comfortable as possible now. I really appreciate him telling me that it didn't really matter what I did. The outcome will still be the same. He told me to call him whenever I needed to, but that probably by Friday we would know what to do.

I feel better now. Less guilty. I know that I am doing the right thing, and I will spend the last few days and hours I have loving on my boy. He is such a good boy.

I spoke with him about what the euthanasia entails. They will give him a sedative like Valium to calm him down. They will then stick an IV in his leg and administer the medication. Adam and I will hold him and pet him as he drifts off. He will just go to sleep and be very comfortable as he goes to meet our Lord. yes, I believe that he will go to heaven, and I believe that he will meet our kids before we do. I also believe that I will see him again one day. You can't love something that much and never see them again.

After I got back form the doctor, I called the pet crematorium. For about $200, he will be privately cremated and placed in a wooden box with his name engraved on it. We will receive his certificate of cremation and ashes a few days later.

I am beside myself with grief right now. I still cry all the time and can't help but look at him and know I don't have much time left with him. I wish more than anything that God would just take him so that I don't have to make this decision. I am thinking that Friday afternoon will be when we do it. Kozmo and I will watch the royal wedding together and then prepare to say good bye to each other. I do not know how I will get through this, but I know I will. I know God has a plan. I know that I have ultimate happiness right around the corner. I just don't know how I can be so sad right now.

Thank you all for your kind words. They have meant so much to me. I also really appreciate knowing that others have been through this or deal with this on a daily basis.

Please pray with me that he doesn't suffer and that he knows how much his daddy and I love him. I would give anything to keep him with me, but I don't make the rules.

I am going to miss you buddy. I love you.

momma

34 weeks and very mixed emotions...Koz

2011-04-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

Today we officially met our goal!!! We are 34 weeks on the dot! This means that my babies will be born very, very soon and that motherhood is just around the corner. It should be the happiest time in my pregnancy, but I can't be happy today. Yes, don't get me wrong. I am over the moon that my body has done so well and that the babies are growing so well. The gift I have been waiting for my whole life is right in front of me.

I am sad today because my dog is dying. Now, I know some people don't feel like animals are that important, and we are all entitled to our own opinions, but I happen to think they are pretty darn special. When I didn't know if I would ever be a mom, I had my pets. They became my first children. And right now, Adam's and my firstborn is on his last legs.

Kozmo started feeling bad on Thursday. We thought he just got too hot outside and needed to come in. We kept him inside unless he needed to use the restroom on Friday. By Saturday, he was acting like he didn't want to eat. By Saturday night, he threw up all over his bed. I thought he just ate something bad. Sunday morning, Easter morning, we woke up to vomit all over his bed in our room. He continued to vomit the rest of the day and have diarrhea and couldn't keep anything down. He barely ate on Sunday at all. We decided he needed to go the vet first thing Monday morning. I slept on the couch Sunday night so Kozmo could make it outside if he needed to vomit. At midnight, I went to the restroom. before I could make it back, he threw up all over the dining room and living room. Poor baby. I really didn't sleep Sunday night. he was up about 3 more times vomiting, but we made it outside then. Monday morning, I got hold of the vet at 7:30. We had an appointment at 9:00. Adam came with me because it is pretty hard for a huge pregnant woman to handle a 72 lb. dog.

We got to the vet, and Kozmo had already lost 4 lbs. 68 lbs. He was very lethargic and didn't feel well at all. he didn't even growl at the vet techs (if you knew my dog, you would know this was very rare. He is very protective and has a big temper when it comes to strangers.) We took his temp. Normal. Checked his vitals. Normal. He had some tenderness around his kidneys and bladder, but normal otherwise. The vet decided we needed blood work. She also thought we needed e-rays, but those were $200 more, so we decided to do just the blood. The results came back 30 minutes later. Kozmo was not only sick, but he has kidney disease. 60%-70% of his kidneys have failed. There is nothing that can be done to treat it, just managed until he succumbs to it. She said he probably had 6 months to a year to live with treatment. WHAT!?!!?! He has been a healthy, happy dog up until 5 days ago. She said there is nothing we could do. She has dogs tested starting at 8 years old for this disease. Kozmo is 8!! So, we had to leave Koz at the vet/hospital so he could get on IV fluids and antibiotics. I got a call at 2:30 that his line had fallen out and that he was very angry with the techs. I came up to the vet and got him early because he was having none of the doctors anymore. We spoke with the vet and she gave us his meds, supplements and told us to call her tomorrow with an update. $738 later, he was still not feeling well, hadn't eaten and was no better.

Last night was rough. He refused to eat but we had to get all the meds down him. Luckily, I have the babies medical kit and got their medicine syringe. I blended up the special diet wet food and water and was able to force feed him by squirting food mush down his throat. He swallowed his pills and 1/2 can of food mush. No vomiting. Around ten I was able to spoon food in my hand and place it in his mouth. I kept his jaws closed and he swallowed it. I also used the syringe to feed him Pedialyte so he could stay hydrated. We cautiously went to bed with Kozmo in our room. I woke up every hour to hear if he was breathing or vomiting. He made it to 6:30 this morning before he woke up and needed to vomit. We made it outside. Poor baby used the restroom on himself and vomited on himself. I knew I had to call the vet.

I got hold of the vet at 8:00 and she said we needed to bring him back in for mire IV fluids. Then she decided that he needed to have a central line put in so he didn't pull it out. This had to be done by a specialist. She spoke with the specialist and quoted me a couple of prices. $400-$500 for fluids at her vet, but that probably wouldn't help too much and the catheter may pull out again. $2500-$3500 for the specialist and the central line with IV fluids and antibiotics, but that may not work either. He may still feel bad when they were done. Or, $78 for the anti-nausea medicine at home and continue with the meds at home and the force feeding.

I got off the phone and cried. Adam and I have saved up money for the twins, but it is not that much. Should we use our savings for the dog on something that may not work. And, even if it did, it may only give him a couple weeks or months. I am due in two weeks. What are we going to do??????

I cried and prayed and cried some more. Then I decided that the best thing was to get the nausea medicine and bring my baby home. I will nurse him as best I can and pray for a miracle. If he does not get any better, we will reevaluate him on Friday with the vet. It is then that we will decide if his quality of life is worth keeping him alive.

I am beside myself with sadness. I got Kozmo as a 1st anniversary present for Adam 8 years ago, but he quickly became his momma's dog. He lived with me when I moved away after college. He has protected me from all the scary pizza men and delivery guys. We became the very best of friends and I have done everything I could to protect him and love him for the past eight years. Adam and I consider him our first born baby, and we are so sad we don't know what to do. The love you can have for a dog is unmeasurable. He is not just my dog but my friend as well. I pray to God that He grants us a miracle and makes him feel better. I would give anything if he could meet our kids. I know he can't live forever, but just a little longer, please......

So, you see why I am not in the happiest of moods as I reach the 34 week milestone. God has a plan for us all. I just wish I knew what His plan is for me. I know He doesn't want me to be sad right now, so I can't help but wonder.

julia

rest well

2011-04-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today a beautiful lady went to meet our Lord. My sweet Aunt Sarah passed away last night. She was 76. Always the adventurer, she was on a ship sailing down the Danube river in Serbia doing what she loved. Enjoying life!!!

I hope that my kids will know the joys that she did in her life. She always made us smile and was never afraid to tell you what she thought. We will miss you Aunt Sarah. We love you. Rest well.

julia

so sweet

2011-04-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share a little bit of my night.

I am emotional. I am pregnant, and I am pretty sure that means that my hormones are not in my control. Being in my body is very difficult right now, and dealing with any outside stress just makes it that much harder.

Well, last night I got upset with Adam. I want more than anything for everything to be perfect right now, but I don't control everything. It is very hard to have faith and just believe that all will be okay. Without going into details, I ended up crying. I went to the nursery to make myself feel better and Adam came up to get me.

I came down, pouted for about two more hours and then tried to enjoy what was left of the night. We ended up watching the Mavs game in bed for about an hour. AJ started kicking and rolling a lot. I grabbed Adam's hand and placed it on my belly. Immediately the baby went to his hand and started to snuggle into him. For the next 20 minutes or so, Adam kept his hand there while his son rolled, snuggled, kicked and punched his daddy. AJ was showing his daddy his soccer skills. Adam had he sweetest look on hie face. He jokingly said it still feels weird but extremely cool at the same time. Miss Caroline was moving too, but only mommy can really feel her unless she is in the perfect position. She is in a ball in the back bottom portion of my uterus, but when she heard daddy, she perked up too. AJ also got hiccups and Adam was able to feel them as well. Finally he had to say goodnight to his babies and me as well. I can't help but think that they already recognize their daddy's voice and touch. It makes me smile.

I get a little weepy thinking that very, very soon they will be here in my arms. We will be overjoyed to hold them and love on them, but I know I will miss them inside of me. This very well may be the one and only time I am ever pregnant. I cherish their little movements and the special bond that I have with them. I have cared for them, protected them and loved them for over 8 months, but they are ready to come out soon. I am just so very happy that in the last days we have together as a family of two, that Adam can share in what I feel all the time. I will always remember these special moments we shared right before our lives changed forever. He is going to be such a good daddy, and I know how much they love him already.

We love you daddy!!

julia

I am happy today!!

2011-04-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

We have some good news today. Went to the high risk doctor this afternoon. The twins have had a growth spurt of sorts and are catching back up!!!! Maybe that's why I gained 2 lbs in a week. Caroline weighs 4 pounds 15 oz and AJ weighs 5 pounds 2 oz. They have bounced back up to the 50th percentile and are very active. Caroline even kicked the sonogram wand. Their heartbeats are great and they have plenty of fluid. The silly babies have flipped again. C is now head down and AJ is head up again. I have no idea how they are switching so much. I would think it is cramped in there. Guess that's why I can't sleep with all their moving.

The doctor said he would like us to make it another 2 1/2 weeks, but doubts we will. He said to be on the lookout for labor. My response: I am laboring all the time!!! Then he said to look for more painful labor. Ok doc!!!

Last night was tough. The contractions were pretty bad from 9-12. Some were 4 minutes apart. It hurt pretty bad. I decided to go to bed because I didn't want to wake Adam up for nothing. I slept for about 3 hours, but at 3:30, I was up with painful contractions. I took the dogs out and stayed downstairs for 2 hours counting contractions and wincing. Finally I decided to try bed again. I stared at the clock until about 6:30 and finally fell asleep again. No trip to the hospital today.

I figure one of these days, the contractions will be unbearable and we will go to the hospital to have some kiddos. Until then, I am going to tough it out. My goal every day is to make it to the next day. I'm doing good so far.

I can't help but think that it would be kind of cool to have Easter babies, but I am not going to wish for it. I just want happy, healthy babies who, hopefully, get to come home with us!!

julia

33 Weeks!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!!!

2011-04-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

How Far Along? 33 weeks WOO HOO!!!!!!

Maternity Clothes? yep. Although I am mostly wearing maternity yoga pants and t shirts lately. I am on bed rest, so there is no reason to get dressed up. When I do go somewhere, like the doctor, I put on my maternity jeans and one of two shirts that covers my belly. We are so close now that I refuse to spend anymore money on maternity clothes. I will just bide my time at home.

Weight Gain? 26 lbs. since pregnancy, 40 lbs. since starting fertility treatments. I have been having trouble gaining weight the past month. Still haven't gained anymore weight. I go to the dr tomorrow, so hopefully then I will be up. I have been eating like a cow trying to gain. Like ice cream at midnight eating. We will see.

Stretch Marks? Yes. I hate stretch marks. I find a new one every day. I am terrified that they will move to my hips and beyond. I get that two babies means more stretch marks, but it sucks. I have tried every cream and oil out there and they still grow. Thanks mom. At least they are beginning to fade and not be so red. I sure hope my husband understands. they are like battle scars, right?!?!?!

Sleep? SUCKS!!!! I sleep for an hour at a time. I can't get comfy. When I do, the contractions wake me up. :) Then I have to pee. Will I ever sleep again? I am actually dreading sleeping at night. I go up around 11-12 and toss and turn until about 4. My good sleep comes from 7-10. Thank goodness I am not working anymore. I don't know what I would do. Benedryl and Tylenol PM have been helping a bit.

Best Moment of the Week? We made it to 33 weeks. Each day we get now is a true blessing and makes them that much healthier. I am praying we get to at least 35 weeks. We will see.

Movement? Yep. Yep Yep!!! All the time. They are kung-fu fighting!!! This is my favorite part of pregnancy. I can see them move...and feel it. That hurts a bit! I love knowing where they are all the time. So sweet. I think I will miss this the most.

Food Cravings? Mexican food, chocolate, sweets, water, fruit and carbs. We are making brains here and storing fat.

Gender? Boy and Girl :) Adam Jr. (AJ) and Caroline

What I Miss? being able to walk upstairs without getting winded, putting on my socks without having to sit down, going to the bathroom normally, shaving my legs, sleep, breathing normally. Now that I am on bed rest, I miss a lot more. I miss being able to leave the house and do things. It is very boring, and I can not wait to have them here and be mobile again.

Symptoms: Super swollen feet and ankles, headaches, carpel tunnel in hands and arms, HUGE belly, no sleep. exhaustion, high blood pressure, itching skin, PUPPP, mood swings...the list goes on.

What I'm looking forward to? Tomorrow I go to the dr. to see how dilated I am and how we are progressing. Last week I was 1 cm dilated and 40% effaced. We will see. Contractions are 7 minutes apart.

Weekly Wisdom: Get everything done early You never know when you will be told that all your activities have to cease and that you are on bed rest. Try to understand your husband when you have crazy pregnancy hormones. They don't really get it.

Milestones: We had the car seat appointment today. Both seats are installed and dad knows what to do. I suggest everyone go to their hospitals and get them properly installed. www.safekids.com has a list of those hospitals who participate...and it's free.

Emotions: Feeling better this week. I am so happy we made it this far. I am very proud of my little ones and of my body, even if I don't recognize it anymore. I am excited that my babies will be here any day now. The dr. won't even schedule a c-section for me because he thinks they will be here well before 37 weeks. It is crazy to think that I am about to be a mommy to two beautiful babies. I have waited so long to get here, and my prayers are finally being answered. Thank God!!